let me tell you what the facts are!
He opened the window just to feel the chill

Tony always says that the coolest hottest girls live in Canada and it’s true.

Just look at the picture.

Last night was the finals for Miss Nude Winnipeg and yrs truly and some sidekicks pounded back some overpriced beers and cheered on our girl Felix.

That’s her on the right btw.

The last time our heroine indulged in some ‘ripper action was Banana Night at Teasers many moons ago

and let me tell you, Banana Night isn’t as sexy as you think it might be

so needless to say when the first girl onstage took out two fire torches, slicked some oil on herself and lit a thin trail of fire along her arm I was impressed.

and I already know what you’re asking, and yes, she did light that on fire.
woa.

other acts included a girl in raver gear dancing with glowsticks, painting her bod with uv-reactive paint and giving out posters of paper pressed to her painted bod, two acts who mimicked Lady Gaga
-one of which blew me away except for her lip syncing, strippers shouldn’t lip=sync, y’know?
but was otherwise impressive with the intricacies of her outfits/props

and our gurl Felix dolled up as Jessica Rabbit, singing us a song and taking her clothes off leading to the second half of her performance which was the hottest onstage shower I ever did see

colour me impressed, that girl can move

she came in 2nd place but it should have been first, I know she’ll blow ‘em away next year

however her act is number one in my mind, let me tell you.

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Is a Russian metamon hosting the show?
Had a physical today and was told I’m practically perfect in every way.

But you already knew that.

Needless to say I was in a good mood and intended to go home, stuff my face with tacos and then imbibe while planning a super-secret project.

Then Ty decided to show me Suzukisan

And now I’m going to go eat tacos and get blasted out of my face on wine while planning a super-secret project

just to try and forget that awful video.

Happy Friday, kiddies.

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Someone’s deciding weather or not to speak

Drizzly cobblestone streets that we walked down
stumbled across
umbrella less in the rain
lost but not truly

fingers intertwined as we ascended the stairs

the sheer canopy over our bed for mosquitoes
even though there weren’t any
just the snippets of sound
and yellow headlights through the darkness

we left the shutters open watching outside from inside each others arms

bagels and oversized bottles of beer for breakfast
in the courtyard on the wrought-iron table & chair set
licking cream cheese from our fingers and tossing crumbs to the black squirrels
resting our feet in each others laps

feeling the late morning sun sizzle off the slanted shingled rooftops

the sound of the approaching métro car
whooshing like pulling the air out of your chest
leaving a hole
filled with joy

mind the gap

stifling heat and open-air markets
chorizo, brie, fresh-baked bread
fruit falling from our arms
more wine

the scent of fresh flowers nearly overwhelmingly sweet

lying in the grass in the shadow of Mont Royal
beaded with sweat, drenched in sunlight
giddy with the sheer beauty of it
feeling the grass against our bare skin

it was so hot we took baths twice a day

eagerly anticipating the night
moving like shadows through the crowd
thumping bass and liquid courage coursing through our veins
you kissed my neck in an alley off the beaten path

never so completely myself as I was there, with you

like forgetting the words to my favourite song
and hearing it again, like new
so familiar and tangible I can taste it beneath my tongue
I want to lose myself in it, in us

please take me back again

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If it feels good, do it



Ty has a copy of Tank Girl on laserdisc and in-between all the other stupid things we spend our time doing since we moved in together we managed to sit down and watch it
but that’s mostly because we were hungover and tired.

It was pretty good actually
the cuts between live-action/animation/still images
weren’t as jarring as I’d expected them to be
Lori Petty totally reminds me of Gwen Stefani in her 90′s No Doubt days
the soundtrack was kickass
Tank Girl was in it in a million outfits for no reason.
Malcolm Mcdowell is in it as a scary bad guy
and Ice-T is in it as a hybrid kangaroo

lolwut.

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A story

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Waking up at 6am to a thunderous banging noise we thought someone had broken the front door down; it was that loud but when all was found to be in its right place we fell back asleep.

We discussed the strange noise over breakfast
“what the heck could it have been?”
we asked each other.

Ty left for work and I was glued to a movie
it was 8am, class was at 11:30
and Ty returned
“omg” he said “look outside”

This is what we saw
Before you flip out
and worry for my safety
let me assure you I don’t live in the ghetto.

I live downtown, sure, but my street is pretty quiet and there’s a high-end sushi place on one corner and a high-end beauty salon on the other
BMWs are usually parked on my street
my building is populated with students, as are most of the houses on my street.

So this was a shock.

Ty left and I called my landlord
this wasn’t the dude across the hall
I was freaked out
and he told me he wasn’t there
and I should call the cops.

So I did.

I was surprised at how quickly the non-emergency vehicle showed
and I eavesdropped through my door
listening as they woke him,
“Is this your building?” they asked
“do you live here?”

Then my doorknob started to rattle.

It didn’t click for a second
then I opened my door and saw a dude
unkempt, smelly, totally on another planet
and two police officers behind him.

The officer asked if I knew him
I said no
he asked if he lived in the building
I said no
they quickly took him by the arms and escorted him away.

This guy was the source of the banging in the morning.
He must have thought our apartment was his.
Oh my god.

I closed my door.
Shocked.

I still am.

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