because, okay, it’s not a “cosmopolitan city” and our skyline needs work, I know

but we have a wicked phallus bridge that looks cool

and, okay, we don’t get lots of cool, huge concerts all the time because we’re kind of in the middle of nowhere

but our isolation means that we raise some wicked-talented people

and okay, the older generation are obsessed with moving into the suburbs and avoiding downtown at all costs

even though our downtown is actually awesome, and The Village is is the second highest-densely populated neighbourhood in the country

and, okay, building a megamall out in Tuxedo by the new IKEA that you have to have a car to access because it’s designed so you have to drive from one part of the mall to another is really stupid

but at least we’ll finally have access to snazzy Swedish furniture

and, okay, the Jets aren’t doing so well, even though the whole city except me is obsessed with them and cheers nonstop and cares SO MUCH about hockey

it’s still fun to watch over beers at The Yellow Dog, right?

and, okay, our mayor is a total jerk who does sketchy shit and kicks children in the face

but you know what?

we’re tough, here in the ‘Peg

because it’s minus fucking forty-five today and we go about our business like it’s nothing

none of you sissies in Toronto or Vancouver could handle this.