November 20, 2009

I keep swearing I won't blog about him.

I’m beginning to think I should make a secret blog à la Zucket
have more fun over there
gush
be stupid
but I want to be candid on my own little
re-invented
slice of the internet.

I'm working on it.

things sort of swept together so quickly, one second he wasn’t mine, the next he was and now I’m caught in this wave of emotion and goodness and candid openness like I’ve never known before.

I forgot that boys could have feelings
didn’t know that they could god forbid ever admit to them
that they would want to do things like hold you without you asking
talk about how they felt about situations instead of making you guess
not give silent treatments
and not be hot-and-cold
who would drop you off at your doorstep, not at the gas station across the street
like other boys
“I’m too lazy to turn around”
he’s better than that.

I feel like I’ve been with boys my whole life
and this one is an actual man.
so well rounded
mature
has his shit together
a real career.

I guess I’m still scared to talk about him here
making a real person real in my place in a place that doesn’t really exist when you think about it, really
might somehow jinx it
like maybe I somehow stumbled upon this happy accident
and might let it slip away just as accidentally.

I don’t want to let this slip away.