August 16, 2013

I was running along the sidewalk on my way to meet Kat
and there's a pedestrian crosswalk at Balmoral and Young
one of the ones with the white painted lines so you know who has the right of way
that thing
and I looked to my left and saw no traffic
on the the right in the incoming lane there were two cars and one of them was turning left
onto Young
and I paused for a second and he waved at me, one of those "go ahead" motions
so I stepped out into the street and as that happened a car came swerving around the corner
some flashy silver thing
I think it was a BMW based on the hood ornament but I can't recall
and he slammed on his brakes and stopped a foot or so from my left leg.

I looked at the guy in the car and he looked back and me
with this mutual disgust and hatred
me, for his reckless driving in a residential area in a school zone
he, for, I don't know, having to stop quickly?
for having the evidence of his own recklessness pointed out to him in such an
obvious
physical
way?

who knows.

After a pause I kept running because what could I do, really?
kick the hood of his car
yell
scream
YOU ALMOST SHATTERED MY LEGS YOU IDIOT
go on at length about how he would have definitely put me in the hospital
broken at least several of my bones
and how I would have sued him and taken him for all that he was worth?
No.
There's no point.

As I jogged away it struck me how lucky I was that he hit his brakes
or that I had waited that one second to check with the other car
and how often

lately I've been telling myself that I'm lucky because my life is good
but those are all things I've done.

I chose my friends
my partner
my job
as well as the plethora of other decisions which have put me where I am
after years of hard work and stress
fighting and arguments and trying to smarten the fuck up in the process.

Which isn't luck at all, really.

That's just life.

Now, not getting hit by that guy in the car today
that was luck.
Or the universe working in its bizarre and unpredictable way
if you want to get fancy about it.
Because I don't think luck is something you earn, or create for yourself
it just happens to you
(or it doesn't).

Like tonight.

That was lucky.

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