May 7, 2018

The weird and scary thing about relationships is that they're really just based on a few things:

hope
trust
honesty
communication
luck

like when you start dating someone you're essentially taking a gamble with yr heart and hoping that one of a million things doesn't happen to mess it up, and if you start messing these up or slacking in these areas then you can basically kiss yr relationship goodbye.

(No pressure or anything.)

When John and I started dating four years ago I sucked at all of the things on that list.

I was in a super duper dark place emotionally and felt very trapped and afraid of my life and future.

I had unaddressed and unresolved trust issues which caused me to keep my thoughts and feelings from my partners and friends.

A lack of trust meant that I was never really honest with anyone.

And even though I could bare my soul here on the internet I wasn't taught the emotional language to express how I felt to my partner in healthy ways. So I didn't.

(I feel bad for my past boyfriends. But maybe that's normal.)

The last part is luck and I don't just mean "omg we're so lucky we found each other"

I mean:

For some weird reason the universe sent me a human whose personality, values, motivations, and communication style are all compatible with my own. For whatever reason, even though we grew up in different places with very different influences, we somehow became people who work well together and can work together towards our shared goals.

That's what I mean by luck. This shit's rare.

(Believe me, I've been looking for a while.)

Of course our relationship has challenges.

We both work a lot and sometimes our businesses are the main priority.
John can be too severe when he's upset and is so, so stubborn.
I still struggle not to stonewall and be snarky when I feel overwhelmed or attacked.
We miscommunicate and misinterpret each other's intentions.

It happens.

But those conflicts become fewer and farther-between the longer we've been together, and it's because we don't let each other sweep stuff under the rug, or avoid talking about how we feel.

In fact the few times we have conflicts these days is usually because one of us had some negative feelings building that we didn't address (or recognize) until we were already mid-conflict.

Like I said: we're working on it and I'm okay with that because day-to-day life is pretty swell.

It's nice to be in a relationship with a fellow business owner who understands the crazy roller coaster that is entrepreneurship, closing deals, hiring and firing, and everything in-between.

It's nice to be in a relationship with someone who can make me laugh until my face and sides hurt and my eyes start tearing up.

It's nice to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't take my shit and keeps me accountable (even when I wish he wouldn't.)

It's nice to be in a relationship with my best friend.

At the start of this post I talked about how luck plays a big role in successful relationships, but I kinda think the idea that luck is a thing that happens to you is kinda is B.S.

Life presents you with opportunities, and "lucky people" are just the ones who are ready / brave / stupid / enough to go for it.

Which is what we did.

And here we are, four years strong.

I couldn't be more happy about it.

(Miss you, Bear.)