March 19, 2020

Two months ago I was boarding a flight to Belize to get married. My worst fears were a sunburn and thunderstorms and whether I'd be hungover for the big day.

Dumb, stupid things, in hindsight.

(But you know how weddings are.)

In late January I was standing in our AirBnB, listening to NPR as we packed up. Reports of Coronavirus spreading. Worrying that it would come to Toronto before John and I could safely catch a flight home.

Just over a year ago we were walking down one of the main streets in street in Old Puket, Thailand. There was an old temple on one side of the street and the other was a line of storefronts spilling onto the sidewalk. One of those stores was a "pet store" of some kind I guess, because all we could see was one lonely dude eating while surrounded on all sides by cages and cages of stinky, squawking pigeons and random animals that aren't allowed as pets in North America.

As we walked by I joked

"that's how you start a pandemic!"

Don't I feel like a real asshole right now.

Just a few weeks ago we were out at Fort Gibraltar drinking beer in fur coats and listening to hip-hop while eating poutine. There were at least a hundred people at that event and we're being told to meet in groups of 50 or less right now. 10 or less if you're in the US.

A few weeks after that I was lugging extra bags of cat food and tins of fish home in case we needed to start social distancing.

That was last Thursday.

We're been at home nonstop since then. Neither of us want to get sick, or risk spreading anything around if we get sick

(I'm worried about carrying the virus and being asymptomatic)

and since we can both work remotely that's what we're doing.

But it's hard to stay cooped up and I miss my friends and I miss my city and I miss all the small businesses I used to frequent and who I know are struggling right now.

(If that's you: I see you. I understand what you're going through.)

As an anxious person it's been a challenge. I've worked a lot because work is easy and gives me a sense of control when I feel powerless, but when I'm not staring at a screen I need to do something with my hands so I clean or cook or scroll Instagram or pet the cat.

Thank goodness for the cats.

It's a weird, strange time and I'm sure good things are coming, but right now all I want to do is stay home and curl up and hide from the world until this passes

which luckily is what we're supposed to do

so maybe I'll figure out a way to make this work.