May 1, 2023

We've been back for just over a month and everything still feels surreal

like my reality is still back there
on the top of a canyon in Thailand
in the back of remorque on the back roads of Cambodia
drinking a latte on a balcony looking out over the noisy streets of Hanoi
wandering through the tiny, people-filled streets of Kyoto

so I walk through the big, airy rooms of my house
filled with familiar shapes and smells and 

so, so much more space than I got used to while we were gone.

It's funny how quickly you accustom yourself to small spaces
crammed into tiny one-room hotels and one-bedroom apartments
bunk beds on a train, chairs on a shuttle bus

somehow I learned to sleep sitting up
(and that was a godsend).

In Vietnam we booked an overnight cruise to Ha Long Bay, and after shutting down the smallest karaoke party on the boat with Marvin and the Gang

(aka, a bunch nice old old men on a "guy's trip" who were the only other ones on the boat who wanted to sing karaoke)

I pulled back the curtains the next morning to see nothing but water and sweeping, massive limestone cliffs.

Before breakfast we wandered to the top of the boat and stood in the middle, watching the mountains loll by as the cruise headed back ashore.

I looked around and thought "I can't believe I'm here".

There were so many moments like that on the trip:

A look around
a slow, deliberate breath
a commitment to catching every dance of light
every detail
knowing you won't
knowing you can't possibly

but trying to anyway.

We were gone for almost three months, the longest I've been away without moving
(which, in itself, feels like a dream now)
and I settled into the routine of change; thrived in it, really

being away opened up something in me that I'd forgotten was there

and a lot of things changed.

I changed.

But I still caught myself, catching my breath.

And while we were gone for so long that I almost forgot what it's like to be here

I'm still in awe of this place we're building together

to wander around the rooms of my house
large but filled with love
and character
and memories

and catch myself catching my breath.