August 3, 2011

(photo cred to Kerry, I jacked this shot of the main stage from her FB album)

Back from Connect and still recovering. Between the intense 8-hour drive, many many rest stops, tornado that happened nearby and the scarily-intense thunderstorm that had us pulled over on the side of the road for a good ten minutes getting there felt like the biggest relief ever and deserved all those beers that I chugged back as soon as my feet met with campground dirt. It's only my second year attending this mega-shitshow festival but all my friends are Connect veterans and have taught me well in the ways of partying and now I'll share some of my Connect knowledge with you:

DO: Drink nonstop
Obviously the only reason anyone goes camping anytime is to eat smokies on the BBQ and get wasted, but the only way to escape the seriously blistering heat at Connect is to find some shade in the big field by the main stage, crack open your beer/waterbottle full of gin/rocket fuel and get smashed while listening to whatever minimal/electro/psy/whatever is playing. No glass bottles are allowed so either bring as many cans of decent beer as you can afford or pre-mix in some water bottles before getting there.

DON'T: Shit yourself while blacked out
'Nuff said.

DO: Gorge on canteen food
In particular the Connect Taco Salad is stuff of legend: a bag of nachos with the bag as the bowl (classy) with cheese, lettuce, beef and sour cream all over them. When you're wasted off your face there's nothing that tastes better than the zillion calories you'll inhale while gorging on that salad and chugging your booze. Other Connect canteen food faves are: perogies, chicken burgers, and the breakfast served until 1pm in case you're too hungover to turn on your own camping stove and make your lazy ass some food.

DON'T: Swim in the pond
I made this mistake my first year while in a state of near-blackout wine-induced sleeping-in-the-tent-during-30-degree-heat sweat while the showers were occupied. It was great for five minutes until I realized that I stank of stagnant, brown pond water and consequently grossed out both myself and the other chicks waiting in line for the shower. One girl was nice enough to let me cut her in line which is both a testament to how nice drunk people can be and how rank that pond is. Don't swim in it.

DO: Bring a wagon
Good for hauling food, booze, camping gear, or your idiot drunk friends. Make sure to take pictures of them getting into, sitting in, and attempting (and failing) to get out of the wagon for future hilarity.

DON'T: Sleep through your set
If you're scheduled to play make sure either a) you don't get super wasted and completely pass out before your set, or b) make sure your real friends around around to wake you up for it.

DO: Bring a utility belt
Smartest move ever. It holds all the necessities you could need for a festival: booze, water bottles, cigarettes (if you smoke), snacks, keys, band-aids, etc. Don't be a ninny and lug a giant purse or bag around with you all weekend, just cram everything into your utility belt and enjoy feeling like a Final Fantasy character (or a drunk handyman) as you sling it around your waist and go off on adventures.

DON'T: Expect to get a lot of sleep
The main stage may shut down during the morning but anyone with a car, stereo or in our case a megaphone aren't going to keep quiet, so if you're passing out around 6am you'll probably be up around 9am. This year I took intermittent afternoon naps (aka drank and fell asleep) which is probably the safest way to ensure you're good to go when the party begins again in the evening. Nothing is worse than crashing out at 10pm at Connect. It's not the Connect Rest and Relaxation Festival, after all.

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