January 12, 2012

I've always thought you were great and kind of charming in a "woah facial hair" funny guy sort of way & I really like that I discovered that you were in this Fiona Apple video from 2005 which, did you know, is the year I graduated high school.

which makes me young, I know, but at least I have good taste. at least that's what my friends tell me and wouldn't you trust your friends to be honest with you? mine are my harshest critics & I like it that way, it keeps me honest & open & real & pushing myself.

and I know you know a lot about that, pushing yourself, I mean because it's pretty rare that people just BAM explode onto the scene and I'm sure you tried for a while before becoming a hotshot comedian and big Hollywood movie star, too, and though I don't want to be in Hollywood I do want to do something with myself, too.

Wikipedia says that you used to be "underground" and now I guess that means you're "mainstream" and I wonder what you think about that? Does all the money, booze, drugs and sexy ladies looking to fondle your junk make it worth it or do you feel bad because you can't be a hipster comedian anymore?

was this what you always wanted, Zach?

maybe it is since I guess it's what a lot of people want, or think they want, but now you're a big star and we'll never be friends because why be Internet Friends with some peon like me? I don't even have my own web show on FunnyorDie let alone be some sort of bigshot famous person like you, so what shot do I have of having a cool underground-to-mainstream friend.

zilch.

but if you ever read this, give me a shout at alysondotshaneatgmaildotcom because I think you're cool & funny and basically it would make everyone I know super jealous and I would go to all of your movies forever, even if they made a Hangover 3 I would just get wasted and go and sit through it because we're friends, god damn it, Zach Galifianakis.

and that's just what friends do for each other.

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