my very first boyfriend was a sweetheart
no pictures of us together exist because that was in the time before smart phones and Flickr and we were all young and hopeless and thought that our memories would be all the reminders we would need.
of course I didn't realize what a good guy he was, then. that's how it always goes. he cooked me dinners and would bike to my house during the summer vacation and take me for ice cream and let me borrow his PlayStation to play Final Fantasy VII because the only consoles I had for a long time were the SNES and the Nintendo 64.
one day he showed up at my house with a rose bush which he gave to my mom and she planted in the backyard in the far left corner, by the grape vines which grow grapes that none of us have ever tried.
needless to say, she loved him
and compared every boyfriend I had after to him, saying "I liked J better"
which I used to find offensive, but now I understand, because the only time she stopped saying it was when I started dating Tyrone, who treats me as good as if not better than he did.
except this time I like to think I actually deserve it.
see, my first boyfriend and I haven't spoken in years and I can understand why he would have wanted me to drop off the face of the earth, which looking back I wish I could have done. in the end, I wasn't very nice to him and I wish I could take those times back.
but I can't.
so I can only be happy when my FaceBook feed pops up with good news about him, that he's out there kicking ass and living his dreams with someone who loves him more than my juvenile self ever could.
so congrats, J. I'm glad you're doing okay out there.