October 15, 2012

and don't fool yourself I'm not a dainty runner or even a dainty woman in general. I'm a clutz and a spaz and when I hit that treadmill if I'm not panting and red in the face and sweat isn't dripping into my eyes and the only thing I can focus on right then is pacing my breath and moving my arms then why the hell am I there anyway.

it's funny to say that because I don't think of myself as a Runner but lately it's the only way I can clear my head and stop worrying about something, everything and just be.

two years ago I couldn't even run on the treadmill, or at all. my boobs were too big and it hurt my back/chest/everything to even attempt to sprint like I used to when I was younger but thanks to universal healthcare my newer, smaller, better boobs have allowed me to become this running-obsessed monster. thanks modern medicine.

if I could go every day I would but I'm just too damn busy. life and school and work and homework piles up on me and honestly guys the only time when I feel like I'm not being crushed under the weight of responsibility is that 3-4 times a week when I can escape and let go.

last week I was sick and I only went once. I pushed myself for 15 mins and nearly 2 miles but I was so stuffed-up I could barely breathe and I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up or both and I dragged my sorry ass home in the rain, unfulfilled and under the weather.

today after work and class and a meeting with classmates to talk about a project that could eat up the entirety of my evening I'm going on that treadmill if it kills me. even if I have to stay up till midnight doing schoolwork after.

I haven't been feeling like myself and I don't know wtf is up.

I need a good run to sort myself out.

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