October 7, 2018

I don't know but whatever it is, it's been a weird few weeks and it's not just me. Everyone seems to be going through one thing or another. 

There's a weird crackle in the air, bad juju, bad luck, weird happenstance, odd off-putting stuff going on it seems. A conflict. A misunderstanding. Health issues. Mental problems.

Everything feels fucked in one way or another and it's hard not to let it eat at you. Wear you down. Make you feel like what's the fucking point

of anything at all.

Between politics and the planet and interpersonal bullshit I swear every person I know is struggling somehow and I'm not sure if this is what adulthood is supposed to be like

or if this is just the new normal we all get to deal with

or if this is just how we get to feel if we take the time to be a #wokebae in today's messed-up, backwards-slipping world

but whatever it is, it sucks. 

And I'm ready for a break.

But being a #wokebae (which is a joke, you guys) is realizing that - goddamn it - if nobody gives a meaningful shit then nothing will get better.

So you wake up and swallow yr feelings and slap a smile on yr face and pretend like, yeah everything's great I'm just overwhelmed because a major world power just elected a guy who committed sexual assault to the highest court in the land

and yeah the president of that same country made fun of victims of sexual assault and people thought that was OK

and the planet continues to be fucked and we're making it worse and what am I supposed to tell my future child about how we messed the planet up for them

and yeah people in this city can't vote "yes" on what should be an easy "yes" and essentially a non-issue

and people continue to be the versions of themselves that they are instead of the ones you wish they were

and all the other ways I and so many other people around me have felt like we're failing ourselves, or others, or both. And pretend like

yeah it's fine. 

But it's not fucking fine, is it?

(Tell me it isn't.)