February 14, 2019

I've been in long term relationships for most of my life since I was a teen. Most of them were a couple of years each, usually with a six month to one-year break in between, but overall I've spent more of my life in a relationship than being single.

This means I've spent most of my Valentine's Days either in the throes of a relationship, or stinging from whatever happened that caused the previous one to end. But that doesn't mean I don't still love Valentine's Day.

People like to get upset about V-Day because it's a "made up holiday" (which it is) but, really, aren't they all? 

Valentine's Day is probably the most made-up of all, though personally I think if you can find someone who you love, and who loves you right back, then that's a cause for celebration. 

A lot of people go through life being really unhappy and unfulfilled and if you can find a little ray of love in your life, even for a little while, hang onto it for as long as it's healthy and good for you and celebrate that shit, yo.

Even if all you do is make dinner together or spend some time with one another or get down and dirrty on each other's business.

Last night I asked my Insta fam if they were doing anything for V-Day and I was surprised to hear that a lot of people refuse to, and do so on the principle of capitalism omg.

Which is funny to me because we buy into a lot of weird and dumb things that may or may not be related to capitalism and yet the one hill people seem willing to die on is the one that is explicitly dedicated to honouring and celebrating relationships with the people we love.

Maybe it's that people (ladies, I'm looking at you) put a lot of pressure on what should be a chill af day. 

I used to be this way when I was younger and a lot more insecure. Like if my man didn't go all out on V-Day he didn't "really love me" which is a bunch of baloney and something that (hopefully) most of us grow out of as we get older.

But in case you needed a reminder, here are some tips on how to handle your V-Day activities from someone who's been through a lot of them:

If you're single, that's cool. Be happy for other people who are in love and spend the day treating yourself like the king/queen you are. Have a bubble bath. Watch some trashy TV. Order in a pizza and get high and drink some box'o wine in your undies. 

(It's what most people blowing money in restaurants wish they were doing anyway.)

If your partner can't get (or afford) fancy restaurant reservations but you wanna go out, go to McDonalds and share a pack of McNuggets. 

Hell, go crazy and split a 20 pack together if you're really in it for the long haul.

If you want flowers then tell yr partner to get you a flowering plant. 

That way they won't blow a bunch of money on blooms that will start wilting right away and leave petals all over the floor and you can have something nice to decorate your place with for months or even years if you don't kill it.

(If you have a cat, make sure to check which plant varieties are safe for your furbaby.)

Unless your partner specifically asks for sweets, don't waste your money on boxes of chocolates. That's shit's played out and unoriginal.

Only plan big, elaborate dates if you know that's what your partner is into before planning it. 

Not everyone likes surprises and nothing ruins a special occasion faster that expectations that weren't met.

And if you want to bang on Valentine's Day follow the advice of sex columnist Dan Savage, who is way more well versed in these topics than I am. His advice, in a nutshell, is: before you fill up on wine and sweets and sleep-inducing carbs

fuck first.

Happy Valentine's Day, lovers!