today is gary oldman's birthday

March 22, 2013 - 2:35am - by admin

what's embarrassing is that up until a few years ago I never actually knew who gary oldman was

I knew he was in a lot of movies that I liked

and he played a lot of the best characters

but if you asked me to point to a dude on a page in a magazine and say

'look that's gary oldman'

I wouldn't be able to.

which in hindsight is a testament to his versatile face and also acting.

and since I haven't really written anything on this here old blog for a while

let me tell you about my first real encounter with gary oldman in a movie.

so when I was a younger I dated this guy who was a huge film buff. massive.

as in, had a huge dvd collection for no reason other than he liked to have every movie he liked in this massive perfectly alphabetized library in his living room

buddy wouldn't have money to pay his own way to see a movie on a friday night but could afford to blow all his cash on dvds

(kinda sour grapes there still, I guess)

anyway one day we were hanging out at his place (remember, no money to go out) and eating pizza and basically just vegging out and I said

"you know I'm not really sure what gary oldman looks like"

which apparently was sacrilege because everyone needs to fully grasp and worship gary oldman

(now as an adult I understand why, but I digress)

so we started watching the fifth element because it's an amazing movie and also gary oldman is in it

and even though I knew who he played in the movie it was bf's favourite so it was the one we watched.

(disclaimer: I've seen the fifth element a million times. I love it, but I've seen it a lot)

so since I've seen it a lot and he had seen it a lot we started making out

because that's what happens when a boy and a girl watch movies alone together someplace

(and sometimes other stuff but that's not in this story as you will find out)

so we're making out and I'm having a good time because I like this guy and he's a phenomenal kisser and suddenly he grabs my head and whips it around and goes

"look there's gary oldman's character!"

which, while true, hurt the shit out of my neck and completely ruined the mood

which wouldn't even have been so bad if he hadn't basically ignored me

and spent the next few minutes talking about the scene in detail

while I sat there making a grumpycat face on the couch

luckily I've moved up in the world since then

and am now dating a guy who loves me more than gary oldman (I hope)

we just won't be watching the fifth element together anytime soon.

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