Dating was the worst
Before getting "into a relationship" Tyrone I was single for a few years while I figured my shit out
(still working on that)
and even though I didn't really want to start going on dates with anyone I figured I should probably go on a few to keep myself 'in the game' and not be the weird spinster friend who hates on happy couples because they're so lonely, waah.
Sometimes they worked out for a little while and cute boys would play Monkey Island and drink beers with me or we'd watch Brazil on laserdisc and listen to vinyl.
But not usually.
After talking to my lady-friends I've confirmed that dates usually go like this:
Pretending to like someone and playing nice over dinner or in a dark theatre or mini golf and the whole time thinking
to nobody except yourself which is stupid because you got yourself into this situation, dummy.
You should have just said 'no thank you' to start but instead you said yes because you're lonely or desperate or maybe both
and dating some idiot is better than being single, right?
Which inevitably leads to that awkward situation a few dates/weeks in where you wake up and realize
you're a douchecanoe and I don't want your penis near me anymore
at which time you stop texting back and suddenly get "really busy" instead of being up-front like an adult.
(There's also that one time I slammed a guy's car door in his face and ran into my house away from him, but that's another story)
Up until now I'd always assumed that this female tactic was just called "being a bitch" or "wussing out" but today I learned a much more appropriate title: