- by Alyson Shane
That line is from The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood. John and I are reading it together right now - it's his first time but I've read it about four times since I first read it in my first year of university.
It's one of my favourites and it's neat sharing it with him.
We read together most evenings, and sometimes during the day on the weekends, too. Once in a while I read out loud but usually he reads to me while I curl up in our down comforter, or lie in his arms, or sometimes paint my toenails or clean the bathroom.
So far the list of books that we've read together looks like this:
which I believe is missing a few but I can't really remember at the moment.
It's weird dating another avid reader, but wonderful. Our very first "date night" after we started dating was on a Friday night. We made rosemary chicken and salad and drank red wine and sat on John's shag rug and talked made out and he read Oscar Wilde poems to me.
How could I not be completely charmed, really?
Even now we read to each other constantly; yesterday while running errands John asked me to read something to him in the car and so I did.
He drove and I read and we talked and it was lovely.
Most of what I've done this weekend involved potting plants, shopping, cooking or reading. I spent very little time online and what time I did spend was largely spent reading articles in the car yesterday.
It was nice to unwind and recharge.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to catch up on Twitter and write a bit here and whatnot.
But honestly I can't wait to peel back the blankets, get into bed, and lose myself in that book again.
- by Alyson Shane
"Everyone says that they want to date someone driven" John said to me last night "but most people can't actually date someone with drive and ambition because they feel threatened by it."
He made this comment as a result of a conversation we were having about the kinds of things that we talk about with one another.
Mostly, we talk about work, projects we're working on (freelance or otherwise), ideas we're brainstorming, and articles that we've read online. Most of our conversations are purpose-driven, go very deep, and circle around a few key topics such as Virtual Reality, product development, writing, content creation, and our views about life and our place in it.
While, admittedly, John is slightly more "on" 24/7 than I am (I'm more like 23/7, sometimes I need to switch on the Wii and play Twilight Princess for the zillionth time) we're both pretty much talking, thinking, and working on stuff constantly.
Dating someone who is this "on" all the time has been an adjustment. I've never dated an entrepreneur before, and making the switch from dating guys with regular 9-5 jobs that get forgotten once 5pm Friday rolls around has taken some real getting used to.
Below are 10 things that I've learned in this crazy almost-year of being together:
1. Get ready to have a lot of free time
Personally, this works well for me because I also have a ton of stuff on the go and we can optimize our time together, but for a lot of people this would be a real challenge -it's hard to be with someone who is constantly thinking about or talking about work.
However, this is a good opportunity to make sure that you don't get too caught up in the relationship and become one of those couples who goes into complete hibernation mode once you get together.
2. Passions don't count as "work talk"
I still struggle with this, honestly. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about VR anymore -I don't want to bounce ideas about virtual experiences all night, and because so much of what my partner's work does involves VR sometimes I have a hard disentangling talking about VR the passion from talking about work.
But it's important to make, and remember, this distinction.
3. Take an active interest in their work or you will go crazy
This relates to the previous point. I learn by seeing and doing, and if I'm just looking at a screen and saying "mm-hmm" my eyes glaze over pretty fast.
By asking questions, giving feedback and trying to be involved in whatever they're working on, it not only keeps you from going crazy, but also makes them feel validated, important, and can provide them with feedback or ideas that they may not have received otherwise.
4. Kiss your bender days goodbye
When you work for yourself every day lost to a hangover is a day where you could have been improving your service or replying to clients.
So the days of partying from dusk until dawn and depleting all of your brain waters to the point where going on Facebook is a challenge quickly become a thing of the past.
5. They will forget things. All the time.
At least, things that aren't work-related. John can recite minute details about code he's written or the intricacies of a project he's working on, but he needs constant refreshers on what we have planned this weekend, the grocery list, or phone calls that he needs to return.
It's not that they don't care -far from it, in fact- but the space in their mind is at a premium and if something isn't an immediate, pressing need (like work) then it gets filed away somewhere, likely to never be seen again.
6. You aren't their only priority
Let me be clear: a good partner will always make you feel special and like you are a major priority in their life, but you shouldn't be their only priority and you might not even be their top priority all the time.
There are definitely days (a lot, in fact) when I know that John's company is taking precedence in his head over our relationship, and that's okay, because I know he will make "us" a priority if it needs to be.
7. You don't have to be like them
While being with someone who is motivated 24/7 can do wonders for your own motivation and productivity, when you just want to spend the day vegging out eating an entire can of Pringles while marathon-watching BoJack Horseman and they'd rather work on, well, work, it can be hard not to feel like you're just wasting your time in comparison.
But it is totally okay and healthy to take breaks, which leads me to my next point...
8. They need help "turning off"
If left to their own devices they will just work and work and work. That's it. So sometimes they need some gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) prodding to actually relax and not just focus 100% on work-related stuff.
9. Forget having a regular schedule
Traditionally-employed people tend to have pretty predictable schedules; even people working shift-based work, like a server or a nurse, generally have a pretty firm grasp on when they are and aren't available.
When you're dating an entrepreneur every available hour of the day can (and likely will) be put towards working on something. This is in addition to the meetings, meetups, Skype calls, conferences, hackathons, and other hustle-type activities that come with the entrepreneurial lifestyle. That's just how things are.
10. You will have doubts early on, and that's okay
Dating someone who is constantly focused on other things can be taxing, and I have definitely had moments where I feel lonely, annoyed, or frustrated -and I'm a pretty driven person, myself!
But the longer we've been together the more I've tried to adjust my expectations around what are and aren't reasonable demands to make of my partner, and when it's okay to make those demands (spoiler alert: I'm not always the greatest at identifying those times...)
There have been difficult moments, sure, but more often than not this crazy roller-coaster ride has been filled with moments of exhilaration, excitement, pride and, most importantly, fun. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Have you dated an entrepreneur? What was it like for you? Did I miss anything? Tell me!
- by Alyson Shane
Went on a lovely, much-needed date last night. After a busy workweek it's always nice to spend some time unwinding with your favourite person.
We hit up King + Bannatyne for dinner and it was amazing. John had the brisket and I had the buffalo chicken and we shared a soup which kept us warm enough to dash from that street to the adjacent one where Across The Board is located.
We tried out a couple of games while we were there including Bandidos, Mr. Jack and Lost Cities. I generally hate card-style games but John was really patient with me and it was a lot of fun!
(here we're figuring out how to play Bandidos)
That'll teach me to kibosh something just because it's out of my comfort zone.
By the time we got home it was after 1am and I almost fell asleep on the couch watching the finale of Summer Heights High.
Tonight we're seeing The Xanad00ds at The Park Theatre. Can't wait!
- by admin
and I was drinking sacawine and mojitos left over from Folk Fest and BBQing like a mofo and seeing a Fringe play and otherwise out and about enjoying the fact that it was +40 and not -40
which it was for a lot of 2014, which sucked.
To make up for it here's a super cool vid/song from The Zolas who I may have blogged about before but whatever
sometimes you gotta reshare what's good, y'know?
Yeah, you know.
Friday we rocked out with Rokk Stark aka Adam for his bday at Yellow Dog where I had a really lame pizza
(but it only cost $12 plus a pint I can't really complain, I guess)
and then at the King's Head where pints and laughs and good times were had
and yr girl passed out around 1am because we had to run Colour Me Rad the next day
(which I still woke up late to do, but whatever)
which was Rad As Hell mostly because John, Amber and I spent the entire time cackling and goofing off and being ridiculous
as per usual
afterwards we inhaled huge burritos from Burrito Del Rio which aren't pictured because I was too busy stuffing it into my starving face.
and also No Tweed Too Tight: Another Grant Canyon Mystery which we saw last night
which was on the 2nd floor of The King's Head which was perfect because you could order food n pints before the show
(which we did, of course)
and was absolutely hilarious. Usually yr girl is wary of one-man shows but it was just too perfect.
Even when he had to kick that super drunk lady out of the venue because she wouldn't stfu
oh and then that other person's phone kept ringing??
because apparently peeps don't know how to watch a show these days.
except me who sat and drank my beer and laughed like a mofo and held hands and smiled
because life is divine.
Deal with it.
- by adminBefore getting "into a relationship" Tyrone I was single for a few years while I figured my shit out
(still working on that)
and even though I didn't really want to start going on dates with anyone I figured I should probably go on a few to keep myself 'in the game' and not be the weird spinster friend who hates on happy couples because they're so lonely, waah.
Sometimes they worked out for a little while and cute boys would play Monkey Island and drink beers with me or we'd watch Brazil on laserdisc and listen to vinyl.
But not usually.
After talking to my lady-friends I've confirmed that dates usually go like this:
Pretending to like someone and playing nice over dinner or in a dark theatre or mini golf and the whole time thinking
to nobody except yourself which is stupid because you got yourself into this situation, dummy.
You should have just said 'no thank you' to start but instead you said yes because you're lonely or desperate or maybe both
and dating some idiot is better than being single, right?
Which inevitably leads to that awkward situation a few dates/weeks in where you wake up and realize
you're a douchecanoe and I don't want your penis near me anymore
at which time you stop texting back and suddenly get "really busy" instead of being up-front like an adult.
(There's also that one time I slammed a guy's car door in his face and ran into my house away from him, but that's another story)
Up until now I'd always assumed that this female tactic was just called "being a bitch" or "wussing out" but today I learned a much more appropriate title:
- by adminwhich is dumb because this is the third time we've attempted to watch it but we keep getting tired. not because it's a bad movie -it's really good and pretty unsettling- but because we always try to watch it at the wrong time.
the first time was a while back. we'd decided to stay in and have a sexytime saturday night in. we made chicken stuffed somethingorother and pasta from de luca's and wine oh yes, wine.
and we made a picnic on the floor in the living room with pillows and lit only candles and it was really romantic and we had a good time eating dinner.
then after we decided to watch a movie and picked the most undatelike movie in our queue which was solaris. and by that I mean the original one in russian not the one with bobble-head george clooney, just to be clear.
we figured we'd watch it and hold each other and then when it was done we'd hold each other some more except in that way and then go to sleep after.
which didn't happen. we fell asleep like 45mins into the movie and woke up during the credits.
so it's been months and we just hadn't gotten around to it and yesterday we spent the day at home hiding from the cold and watching movies. we watched toy story 3 which made us cry and then the english patient which made us cry and then tyrone was all
hey let's finish up solaris
and I was down because I was awake and we'd been rocking movies all day so it made sense.
so we settled in and skipped to the part where we'd passed out last time and starter to give 'er the best watch ever
except 20mins before the end we were both falling asleep
I don't know what it is with us and this movie because it's all the things we like in a film, but we just get sleepy aftert fifteen minutes. either way tonight we're going to make a mean batch of soup and finish that sucker