10 Things I've Learned While Dating an Entrepreneur

January 23, 2015 - 6:43pm - by Alyson Shane

"Everyone says that they want to date someone driven" John said to me last night "but most people can't actually date someone with drive and ambition because they feel threatened by it."

He made this comment as a result of a conversation we were having about the kinds of things that we talk about with one another. 

Mostly, we talk about work, projects we're working on (freelance or otherwise), ideas we're brainstorming, and articles that we've read online. Most of our conversations are purpose-driven, go very deep, and circle around a few key topics such as Virtual Reality, product development, writing, content creation, and our views about life and our place in it. 

While, admittedly, John is slightly more "on" 24/7 than I am (I'm more like 23/7, sometimes I need to switch on the Wii and play Twilight Princess for the zillionth time) we're both pretty much talking, thinking, and working on stuff constantly. 

Dating someone who is this "on" all the time has been an adjustment. I've never dated an entrepreneur before, and making the switch from dating guys with regular 9-5 jobs that get forgotten once 5pm Friday rolls around has taken some real getting used to.

Below are 10 things that I've learned in this crazy almost-year of being together:

1. Get ready to have a lot of free time

Personally, this works well for me because I also have a ton of stuff on the go and we can optimize our time together, but for a lot of people this would be a real challenge -it's hard to be with someone who is constantly thinking about or talking about work. 

However, this is a good opportunity to make sure that you don't get too caught up in the relationship and become one of those couples who goes into complete hibernation mode once you get together.

2. Passions don't count as "work talk"

I still struggle with this, honestly. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about VR anymore -I don't want to bounce ideas about virtual experiences all night, and because so much of what my partner's work does involves VR sometimes I have a hard disentangling talking about VR the passion from talking about work. 

But it's important to make, and remember, this distinction.

3. Take an active interest in their work or you will go crazy

This relates to the previous point. I learn by seeing and doing, and if I'm just looking at a screen and saying "mm-hmm" my eyes glaze over pretty fast. 

By asking questions, giving feedback and trying to be involved in whatever they're working on, it not only keeps you from going crazy, but also makes them feel validated, important, and can provide them with feedback or ideas that they may not have received otherwise.

4. Kiss your bender days goodbye

When you work for yourself every day lost to a hangover is a day where you could have been improving your service or replying to clients. 

So the days of partying from dusk until dawn and depleting all of your brain waters to the point where going on Facebook is a challenge quickly become a thing of the past.

5. They will forget things. All the time.

At least, things that aren't work-related. John can recite minute details about code he's written or the intricacies of a project he's working on, but he needs constant refreshers on what we have planned this weekend, the grocery list, or phone calls that he needs to return. 

It's not that they don't care -far from it, in fact- but the space in their mind is at a premium and if something isn't an immediate, pressing need (like work) then it gets filed away somewhere, likely to never be seen again.

6. You aren't their only priority

Let me be clear: a good partner will always make you feel special and like you are a major priority in their life, but you shouldn't be their only priority and you might not even be their top priority all the time. 

There are definitely days (a lot, in fact) when I know that John's company is taking precedence in his head over our relationship, and that's okay, because I know he will make "us" a priority if it needs to be.

7. You don't have to be like them

While being with someone who is motivated 24/7 can do wonders for your own motivation and productivity, when you just want to spend the day vegging out eating an entire can of Pringles while marathon-watching BoJack Horseman and they'd rather work on, well, work, it can be hard not to feel like you're just wasting your time in comparison.

But it is totally okay and healthy to take breaks, which leads me to my next point...

8. They need help "turning off"

If left to their own devices they will just work and work and work. That's it. So sometimes they need some gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) prodding to actually relax and not just focus 100% on work-related stuff. 

9. Forget having a regular schedule

Traditionally-employed people tend to have pretty predictable schedules; even people working shift-based work, like a server or a nurse, generally have a pretty firm grasp on when they are and aren't available. 

When you're dating an entrepreneur every available hour of the day can (and likely will) be put towards working on something. This is in addition to the meetings, meetups, Skype calls, conferences, hackathons, and other hustle-type activities that come with the entrepreneurial lifestyle. That's just how things are.

10. You will have doubts early on, and that's okay

Dating someone who is constantly focused on other things can be taxing, and I have definitely had moments where I feel lonely, annoyed, or frustrated -and I'm a pretty driven person, myself! 

But the longer we've been together the more I've tried to adjust my expectations around what are and aren't reasonable demands to make of my partner, and when it's okay to make those demands (spoiler alert: I'm not always the greatest at identifying those times...) 

There have been difficult moments, sure, but more often than not this crazy roller-coaster ride has been filled with moments of exhilaration, excitement, pride and, most importantly, fun. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Have you dated an entrepreneur? What was it like for you? Did I miss anything? Tell me!

The Illusion of Being Busy

January 22, 2015 - 1:54am - by Alyson Shane

Last Friday night I found myself alone. 

John was with the Campers at the screening of the Innovation Alley movie, my plans had fallen through, and I had a few hours to spend however I wanted. 

Sitting in Second Cup in Osborne Village, plucking away at my laptop and sipping my London Fog, I got to thinking about how busy we all "appear" to be all the time - always going places, seeing people, sharing pictures and thoughts and experiences. 

It started to feel a bit overwhelming, to be honest.

Since I've started my #Project365 Instagram project I've tried to make a point to go out and have an experience, or find something interesting worth photographing every day.

It's not that I lead a boring life - far from it, I'm actually quite busy day-to-day, but a lot of that revolves around my 9-5 and being on my laptop doing freelance work.

Not exactly glamorous, and I'm pretty sure that if I Instagrammed my computer screen as often as I find myself parked in front of it, working, I'd have zero followers pretty freakin' fast.

So I started thinking about the idea of "looking busy" and figured I'd ask you guys what you thought, and if you feel social pressure to "look/be busy," through what you post online.

Some of my favourite answers are below & honestly really surprised me:

Not busy, no...I think everyone knows I'm busy! I make an effort to look thoughtful in what I share. No junk.
Kendra Jones

"I'm always busy. Sometimes that's just busy laying down on YouTube, sometimes it's work. I'm busy with my time and that's fine."
Brett Enquist

Busy is a choice, but some do see it as a badge of honour.
Claudine G

Nope. I live for me not others. Took a while to learn that though.
Terri F

Everyone (or almost everyone) has a day job that keep them occupied. I'm more interested in how people spend their non-work hours, whether it's going on vacation, reading a great book, cooking or playing outside.
Shel Zolkewich

Hell no. I'm as busy as I wanna be. And you can quote me on that.
Jeope Wolfe

No. I am busy a lot, but if I'm not, I'm not gonna lie about. That would be dumb. #TrimbleDoesntConform
Adrian Trimble

What about you? Do you ever feel pressured to "look busy"?

Never underestimate breakfast

January 21, 2015 - 3:27pm - by Alyson Shane

I knew a guy once who went to a music festival. After a night of partying, still awake, he was ready to crawl into bed when another, more seasoned friend said

“hey man, I’m going for breakfast. You should come.”

The guy, ragged and tired and worn-out and beaten up from a cocktail of unmentionables consumed from early in the night to late into the morning, said

“nah man, I’m just going to grab a nap. I’ll meet up with you later”

And the other guy said

“seriously. You should come for breakfast.”

But my friend stayed behind. He dozed and spent a few difficult hours grasping at the idea of sleep.

Eventually he gave up and headed back to the festival, still feeling rough and ragged but not wanting to waste the golden opportunity to party and dance and listen to music in another city.

There was the other guy looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed and in as perfect health as someone who is on a festival-induced bender can reasonably look.

My friend stood there, red solo cup full of beer in hand, nursing his hair of the dog and trying to rub the circles out from under his eyes.

The other guy looked at him and said

“You should have come for breakfast.”

Letters to Who I Was 5 Years Ago

January 19, 2015 - 6:01pm - by Alyson Shane

Found via Tumblr. Just love this so much.

What Doesn't Seem Like Work?

January 17, 2015 - 3:25am - by Alyson Shane

While out for coffee I read a great article by one of my favourite writers, Paul Graham, called "What Doesn't Seem Like Work?" 

In it he talks about how his father knew at 12 what he wanted to be which he admits is unusual and is something that I can't relate to at all because at 12 I don't think I was thinking much farther than the test at the end of the week or when the next Zelda title was coming out.

Anyway, Paul Graham's dad wanted to do something involving maths (he is a mathematician) and he said that he used to consider the quizzes at the end of textbook chapters as rewards, and that the text was just advice on how to solve them. 

Which is just... crazy. That sounds like the exact opposite of anything I want to do, ever.

Which is exactly the point.

"The stranger your tastes seem to other people, the stronger evidence they probably are of what you should do."

Most people that I talk to dislike writing. Or they tolerate it as something that they have to do, maybe for work or a project, but by and large most people that I know don't want to spend hours writing posts, monologues, rants, poems etc and honing their "voice" as a writer. 

I've always been a passionate reader and writer but it took me a long time to figure out that writing should be a big part of how I make my living, largely because I grew up thinking that the only options for a writer were publish a book or become a journalist, but that's a post for another time.

I love writing and would happily do it all day. It's what I live and breathe, even though to a lot of people it seems like a boring, uninteresting task.

Which is what sets me apart from other people, and what makes me so good at it.

But it's taken me a long time to figure that out.

What's something that you love to do that other people hate doing? Have you made it a part of your professional life?

How to Stay Motivated and Get Shit Done

January 16, 2015 - 6:27pm - by Alyson Shane

Life is insane right now.

I walked into the office today with a million things on my plate and of course another million smaller things popped up along the way. Add to it managing client work, personal projects and secret (soon to be not-so-secret) projects I spent the morning feeling like I'd much rather crawl under a rock than actually do any of the stuff that I need to do.

Except I can't.

So instead of throwing myself a pity-party I decided to spend my lunch hour jotting down a few of the ways that I get shit done and stay motivated when I feel like this:

Figure Out What I'm Avoiding, and Why

I'm scared by things that I don't know but that doesn't make a lot of sense when I say it out loud, so here's an example to illustrate what I mean:

I want to get into podcasting but I have no idea where to start, so I Google "how to make a great podcast" and open a bunch of tabs, but then get overwhelmed by all the new information and, oh hey, Reddit sure looks interesting right about now... and then 45 minutes later I still haven't finished that first article that I started. 

It's easy to put off things that make us go beyond our comfort zone or, in my case, confront the fact that I don't actually know everything about everything. 

Figuring out why I'm avoiding something helps me start taking steps to work at it.

Make Time by Making Time

I know I sound like my mom but seriously I'd never get to the gym if I didn't pre-pack my gym bag the night before. Same goes for laying out work to get done in the morning and organizing my thoughts the night before by creating daily to-do lists (my saving grace). Little things like that make me feel a million times more organized (even when I'm a total gong show) and can really save time.

Put The Goddamn Phone Down

Otherwise known as: get the hell off social media, which I have a huge problem doing. I put my phone face-down, close my tabs (yes ALL of them) except what I need and have notifications disabled on both my iMac and my Macbook, so nothing "pops up" to notify me on my screen while I'm attempting to focus.

I've also had some really good experiences with SelfControl, which is a tool that allows you to set a timer which will cause your browser to behave like it's offline. You can whitelist or blacklist certain sites so that you don't have to totally disable the internet (calm down) while trying to focus. It's a Mac-only product, though. PC users can use Freedom, which is similar.

Figure Out When I'm Most Productive

I kick the most ass in the morning. In my ideal world I would get up, hit the gym or go for a long run, then settle in with a cup of coffee and do my thing until about 3pm which is when my energy takes a nosedive. 

Also: take breaks! If I've been working for several hours and feel my brain waters getting low it's totally okay to go for a walk to grab groceries or (just this once!) check out what's happening on Twitter. I try not to guilt myself about these breaks (though sometimes I fail) but I know that letting my brain chill out can really boost productivity if I've got a long haul ahead of me. 

Get Lit

Obviously I don't mean getting stoned and useless. I mean sitting somewhere where it's bright, preferably near a large window or (when the weather permits) sitting outside. I have a great goose-neck lamp from IKEA that I love at my desk, but sitting anywhere with some nice non-fluorescent lights is key to getting work done and not ruining my eyesight or giving myself a headache.

Organize My Mess

I'm a neat freak and I hate working in sloppy spaces. Sure, when I was writing 30+ page papers in university and had several stacks of reference notes all over my desk for one particular project I could handle it, but that's different. What I mean is the keeping the area around where you're working clean (or relatively so).

Is it dusty? Are there old dishes everywhere? Are there leftover papers, pens, notepads, books, whatever all over the place? For the love of god put it away. 

Clutter clutters the mind, or however that saying goes.

Also if you're a girl putting fresh flowers in your work space make you at least 96% more productive. Scientific fact.

What about you? Do you have any tips for getting shit done and staying motivated?

Hi, Thursday

January 15, 2015 - 10:07pm - by Alyson Shane

Took a chance on a bold lipstick choice today. It's by Lush Life by M.A.C. and I am obsessed.

Woke up at 6am for a #DoughnutDate with Colin and Adrian at Parlour Coffee followed by breakfast at Wanabee's in West Broadway which is the greasiest, best diner I've been to in ages. 

Hanging with two of my favourite guys first thing in the morning put me in a great mood & productivity is at an all-time high! TIL I work best when fueled by sugary goodness.

Work has me crazy-busy but I've got some seriously cool projects on the burner that I can't wait to share with you guys! 2015 is on track to be insane.

Happy Thursday, my loves.

xox yr girl Shaner

#Project 365 - Sick Day

January 12, 2015 - 4:45pm - by Alyson Shane

Week one success! It was an interesting challenge to take photos of things and people; I think this project will be good for my mindfulness and keeping up with activities instead of just hibernating indoors which is what I want to do when the weather gets this cold.

I was feeling under the weather all last week and initially chalked it up to tiredness but as it turns out I have the flu. I haven't been able to hold anything down since last night which sucks because I really enjoyed the leftover noodles from Ashley's dinner at Bangkok Thai on Saturday night. They aren't as nice coming up as they are going down, though.

TMI but whatever.

Currently sipping peppermint tea with ginger pieces and watching The English Patient. I've seen it before but I love the story.

When I was in university we read In The Skin of a Lion which is another book by Michael Ondaatje and takes place in the same universe as The English Patient which this movie is based on. It's historical fiction so what I mean is some of the characters carry over between novels which was a pleasant surprise. 

Last night we started reading Station Eleven which is terrific so far. Tonight after John gets home he is going to make me some soup and we will read a bit more, together. I love our "Book Times" before bed and am really looking forward to it.

Until then I am going to try and keep my stomach calm and hang out on Tumblr. Join me if you're so inclined.

#project365 - Making Memories Project

January 6, 2015 - 9:40pm - by Alyson Shane

I've decided to try my hand at #project365, where I'll take one photo per day, every day, for a year and post it to my Instagram.

(Taken today, on day 3, of the project. I love these lights in West Broadway)

I know it's a "trendy" thing to do, but hear me out:

I'm also a writer. A writer who wants to write more in 2015 (and always!).

I used to write heaps. When I was a student I posted almost every day about stuff I saw, was doing, had done, you name it.

In the age of "business-based blogging" I'm seeing so much less of that style of sharing and storing memories.

Remember when we used to do that?

I mean, there are still some bloggers who do. 

(Tony & Raymi,  to name a couple)

But me? I haven't as much, recently, but that changes today.

As part of my #project365 endeavour I'm also going to blog more frequently. I'm talking 5+ times a week, including a weekly #project365 post which will wrap-up the week and highlight some of my favourite moments.

About life, love, adventures, random thoughts, the silly stuff I find online. Whatever.

I want you guys to see every side of me.

Here goes, hope you enjoy the ride!

xox

yr girl Shaner

Starter Stories - My Roslyn Apartment

January 4, 2015 - 8:41pm - by Alyson Shane

Roslyn Manor. The Roslyn.

Built in 1909 and rumoured to be haunted, it is an incredible old red brick building with weird turrets, huge sunrooms, winding staircases and heaps of history; I've been obsessed with it since I first rode the bus into Osborne Village when I was 14.

When I moved back from Ontario I stayed a short stint with my parents out in the suburbs but after an infuriating winter of waiting for busses, frozen feet, and a severe lack of anything to do that didn't require a 20-minute drive, I moved the heck out of there the moment spring started to arrive.

This is where my Starter Story apartment began. A big thanks to Urban Compass for inspiring me to share my memories in Roslyn as part of their "Starter Stories" series.".

I applied to live in a 1-bedroom which was one of two one-bedrooms in the whole, sprawling building. Most suites in The Roslyn are massive apartment-style townhouses with sunrooms, walk-in pantries, dining rooms and bedrooms upon bedrooms.

Not mine.

(The amazing old hallways with beautiful woodwork)

My tiny corner apartment on the 5th floor was less than 350sqft.

It had 12ft ceilings; an incredible claw-foot tub; huge windows that let in a breeze no matter which way the wind was blowing, dazzling sunlight and (unfortunately) every sound the neighbours made.

My little apartment overlooked a narrow courtyard which separated the two "sides" of Roslyn Manor and my bedroom and kitchen were right across the courtyard from walkways which attached to back kitchens in larger suites, likely for hired help

That's what my suite used to be: a butler suite, or for a fancy level of hired help.

But for a single girl like me, it was perfect.

(Me, terribly sick, in the living room)

I repainted the living room wall a deep chocolate and got matching pillows for the couch.

I tucked a tiny red chair (which I still have) in the little window alcove in the living room.

I strung Christmas lights up around my bedroom, which was so tiny that I had to turn to the side to walk around my bed and get to the dresser.

I loved bringing people over for the first time and hearing their gasps of delight as we crowded into the old elevator -the first residential one in the province- and closed the heavy copper cage door. That elevator still ran smooth as butter. We took it to the 5th floor, rounded a sharp corner and walked across a tiny, narrow concrete footbridge across the courtyard.

This was when people lost it.

"This is how you get into your place?!" they would gasp and I would laugh and smile and guide them further, into another hallway, around another corner, and into my little L-shaped slice of heaven for a glass of wine.

I loved that apartment endlessly; it was the first place that I truly felt was my own. 

(So many parties and memories made around this table)

I danced to Fleetwood Mac while mopping the floors; I spent hours curled up on the couch watching old movies; I opened all the windows during the summer and let the sounds of Osborne Village echo off the coved ceiling.

I lived there for a magical year before I moved to a cheaper, larger, shared apartment so that I could begin my studies at the University of Winnipeg.

Moving was bittersweet. It hurt to leave a place where I had learned so much about myself, where I had fallen in love and shared so many smiles, tears and memories with people that I held dear, but at the same time it was exciting to be starting a new chapter of my life.

Now, years later, I still walk by The Roslyn almost every day.

Sometimes, as I'm passing, I see a girl turning her key in the lock of the front door and stepping inside those walls that hold so much history and so many memories.

I imagine that she is me, in my younger days, taking that winding corridor, that silent elevator, to the little apartment that would come to shape so much of her soul.