Let's Talk About: Inappropriate Words
When I was a little girl my parents got me a whole series of books called "Let's Talk About" which were designed to help small children deal with their emotions and attitudes that can prevent them from becoming responsible young people and eventually responsible adults.
They had titles like "Let's Talk About: Bullying," "Let's Talk About: Feeling Jealous" and other stuff like that. I think about those books a lot and reflect on how they provided an opportunity for me and my parents to have a dialogue that was at my level about complex issues.
While I don't want to talk about those books, I want to use this post as a way of having an open dialogue about something that embarrasses me a lot, and something that I'm hoping to change: my tendency to use words like "retard" and "gay" as derogatory terms in regular conversation.
Kind of like my own personal Let's Talk About.
It seems to me that the reason that we use words like "gay," "retard" and "homo" when we're young is because we hear them and recognize that they're insults, but we're too immature to grasp the larger context of what they mean in our society and how inappropriate it is to say them.
So I grew up using these words and they managed to make their way into my speech patterns as an adult largely because most of the people that I knew still used them.
It's easy to feel like calling someone a retard is okay when everyone you hang out with uses that word all the time.
As we get older we're supposed to learn these rules of social conduct, but many of us disregard them because we haven't grown up enough to realize that it's actually really offensive and hurtful to use that kind of language.
(For example, I used this image as a response in online conversations way more than I care to admit.)
Recently though I've had the opportunity to have some productive talks with different people about using those sorts of words and it's made me think about how frequently I fell back on using them, and the extent to which I defended my so-called "right" to say whatever I want (no matter how hurtful) and expressed annoyance at people being "butthurt" over it.
It's not nice to open your eyes and realize that you acted poorly when you could have made better choices, but that's how we learn and I want to take a moment to publicly apologize to anyone whose feelings I may have hurt with that sort of language: I'm sorry.
I could have acted better, and moving forward I intend to do so.
With that in mind, I'm looking for some help. It's not easy to change our speech patterns, and I would love some input for how to remove these words from my vocabulary. What tips or suggestions do you have?
Thanks in advance!
xox
yr girl Shaner
Life's getting back to normal
after a week and a half of getting to know John's mom and sister who were in from Windsor which was exciting and exhausting and exhilarating and stressful because it's hard to entertain guests from out-of-town consistently, I've learned.
I've never had family visit and stay with me before so this was a whole new experience and last night as I curled up in bed at my own apartment with Toulouse and a book and dozed off I felt good. It was a nice visit but it'll be nice to get back to real life, too.
Except this week is jam-packed which means no time to breathe as per usual. Here's what's lined up over the next few days:
- dinner with Mum tonight
- The Karate Kid at Movies on Memorial
- PubChat with Adrian and Colin
- Rainbow Trout from Fri-Sun
which either means that I'm not actually going back to "real life" yet, or that my "real life" is spectacularly awesome.
I'm going with the second option.
Hip Hop Sunday: Cadence Weapon - Baby I'm Yours (ft Shad)
Almost didn't make it to posting today (again) because of family in town and all the obligations that come with it
which isn't a bad thing, but it'll be nice to get back to normal
at least for the next few days until I leave town for Rainbow Trout
where I'll camp and party and listen to the best local music around
and wrap up the summer real nice.
It's been a hell of a ride.
Hope yours has, too.
xox
yr girl Shaner
#TBT Sitting on a campus bench: a poem
Wrote this while on campus back in April of 2013 which feels like a lifetime ago. It's funny how everything changes except the amount of female UW students wearing Lululemon.
uncomfortable benches
in the lobby of Centennial Hall
people crammed together
on their smart phones
individual worlds.
heavy escalator traffic
going up
going down
am I late for class?
most girls wear their hair up
lululemon head bands
lululemon everything
nice bums.
oh hello
three piece suit guy
where did you come from
where are you going?
I’d follow you but
my legs hurt from my run
damn.
Reading this beautiful book right now
called "Reunion" by Alan Lightman.
It's about a professor who attends his 30th college reunion on the surface but like a good book it's also about heartbreak and misery and that sad sort of indifference that sets in when you look back on your life and find yourself disappointed. It's also about lost loves, burying emotions and bittersweet heartbreak.
Though to say "I'm reading" isn't really true, because I'm having it read to me. Usually late at night after hours of talking and laughing when we should be sleeping and one of us looks at the other and says something like
"want to do some Book?"
which sounds like a secret term for something but isn't.
We're just both literary nerds.
I haven't read anything akin to a romance novel in a long time. I generally don't care for them.
The last one I read was The Time Traveler's Wife which was recommended to me while in a Chapters with an ex-boyfriend's cousin while living in Hamilton and I bought it on a whim because, looking back, I needed some romance in my life. Even if I was only going to be able to find it within the pages of a novel.
Recently though I'm finding myself drawn to romance novels. Mostly ones about betrayal and heartbreak and making beautiful, fucked-up, life-changing mistakes.
Because that's what we're all doing all the time, really, and that's what I feel my life has been lately: something beautiful that came from a bunch of fucked-up mistakes
which is the story of everyone's life when you step back and look at it.
I read a great article from Elite Daily a few weeks ago called Why Readers, Scientifically, Are The Best People To Fall In Love With which I think is absolutely true.
Being able to draw from the references I've learned from books has made this process easier. I can turn to Wilde and Bukowski and, now, Lightman and see sides of myself in their words because books teach us to love
to look at things from other people's perspectives
to be brave
to make the hard choices
to reflect on the bad ones
to not let the fleeting, inconsequential annoyances of day-to-day life get in the way of living.
I'm falling back in love with books and it's glorious.
It's like coming home.
Tony Pierce asked
how hard is it to type type type your feelings?
must be sorta hard because only a handful of ppl even do it any more.
which is true. Both that almost nobody blogs their feels anymore and also that it's hard to type type type your feelings sometimes.
Because even when yr on cloud nine sometimes it's hard to share
and sit down and say
"my life is pretty fucking spectacular. I'm dating an amazing man, getting to spend time with funny and genuine people, and I feel confident in where my life is going"
even when that's true.
Because it's easy to think
that nobody cares
that people only want to read when you're sad
or when you've gone someplace amazing
or when you've had this cray adventure
which are all interesting, of course
but that's just not true.
Because I care.
I always care.
So pour yr fucking heart out for me
I dare you.
Wrote to my aunt yesterday
who I haven't talked to in years, which is cray
and embarrassing, because she's blood and family and all that jazz
but life happens and people drift apart
and sometimes we have to take steps to get back together.
Anyway.
I wrote to her today and told her about my life. My friends, my loves, my family, my interests, my failures, my regrets
and she wrote back and said
Alyson, everyone makes mistakes.
which is true and good to remember sometimes. Especially when we're thinking about the mistakes that others have made.
It's easy to forget that we often make them, ourselves, and it's good to be reminded that we all fuck up
we all make mistakes
and that it's okay. As long as we learn from them.
It's the Friday before the long weekend
and yr girl has a haircut in 10 minutes which means obviously I have to blog right the fuck now.
Spent the afternoon curled up sleeping in bed with Toulouse because I had a headache and was tired as f and this weekend just sucked the life right out of me.
The best part about this week was that I discovered the new Royal Canoe video
(which was actually released last week but whatever)
which I love, of course.
I've had a few conversations about the video and the way it makes my city
(which is vibrant and amazing and I love with all my heart)
look
so here's a quote from the director which gives it a bit more context
(which I don't have time to go into right now):
“I don’t know if this is true of other cities, but for some weird reason Winnipeggers have been bombarded for the past four decades by business-driven propaganda campaigns which aim to boost our hometown pride, promote tourism and economic growth. Each successive campaign is even more desperate and embarrassing than the last and they all fail, because they insist upon such a fake and whitewashed image of Winnipeg. For the ‘Exodus’ video, we wanted to warp the cinematic vocabulary of these obsolete Winnipeg tourism filmstrips and create a kind of subversive travelogue about the Winnipeg that is truly meaningful to us.
The thing I love about ‘Exodus of the Year’ is that, both musically and lyrically, it really sounds like the Winnipeg we carry around in our hearts. It’s both sad and beautiful, frustrated and triumphant. For the video, we wanted to walk this fine line between the ironic and the earnest, as all us Winnipeggers must do every day.”
- Matt Rankin
Enjoy your long weekend lovelies!
xox yr girl Shaner
Everyone's a superhero in their own way
sometimes we just need a little sidewalk chalk to remind us.
Hip Hop Sunday: Aceyalone - Mic Check
Spent the afternoon on the couch watching OTNB and nursing a headache from friends and BBQ and laughs the night before.
It’s supposed to be dry this week so I have to head home and water my garden which is bringing me so much joy.
Who knew growing and eating things could warm yr heart this way?
I didn’t.
Here’s hoping your hip hop Sunday is equally as lovely & chill.
xox yr girl Shaner
