February 2012
so I was thinking about this song this morning
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because @stefspeaks has had it stuck in my head for ages now
and I was thinking to myself
Shaggy is a really shitty friend
I mean, either he's a 'frenemy' and deliberately giving black Ben Stiller bad advice
or he's just doesn't care enough to set his friend straight
either way
he doesn't deserve to have a bunch of foxy women hanging around his house
have a haircut appointment for 6pm
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with an hour to killso I decided to go for a coffee but both Second Cup and Starbucks were packed to the tits
and I experienced the weirdness of a person who walks into a coffee shop, looks around, and leaves
it's like being some sort of coolness terrorist
like I'm impeding on everyone's good time by being awkward
which I probably was
so I went to American Apparel
since it's just up the street
and was reminded why I never attempt to wear spandex
because no matter how often I've been hitting the gym
it still makes my skin look like a lizard woman
and not in a sexy Halloween way
so, naturally, I found myself here
in the tradition of my ancestors before me
who trolled the moors and beat up the Irish
in a dark pub with loud music
drinking a beer and writing
like the good British lass that I am
can't deny your heritage, I guess.
one day my dad started a job
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but he never gave up
and he always stuck to his guns
and I've always admired him for that
no mater what
today my dad called me
and told me he'd been promoted
to the job he's been trying to reach his entire career
and I'm so proud of him
now I don't talk about the fam here much
but it's not because I don't love 'em
it's because they're so important
that I only mention 'em
when it's really special
so, to celebrate
here's an oldschool picture of me high-fiving my dad
who is so, so cool
and who I love till the ends of the Earth
I love you
the new Old Spice commercials may not make much sense
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but that's because they're directed by the amazing Tim and Eric, who are gods of wtf-ery. if you're at all familiar with such uncomfortable, brilliant Adult Swim shows such as Tom Goes to The Mayor, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and Check It Out! With Dr. Steve Brule (played by John C. Reilly who is amazing)
to be frank, I don't have cable and for the most part I'm totally okay with that because most television shows are just cesspools of idiocy and generally the commercials aren't much better, but I have to say that this would get my attention if I was waiting for my episode of The Daily Show to resume.
and I have to say, I wasn't sure if Old Spice would be able to follow up the Old Spice Guy commercials with anything I would even remorely appreciate, and while nothing is quote as wondergul as an oyster with two tickets to that thing I love, these are pretty top-notch.
so rats off to ya, Old Spice, for recruiting one of the most original, funny and unique entertainers out there that have a huge repor with a younger, savvy audience. I mean, truth be told, I became much more intreigued in the commercials after finding out who directed them, and you know that it's prominently displayed on the YouTube page because Old Spice knows that Tim and Eric are the selling features of the commercials, even though they aren't in them.
that being said, I'm looking forward to seeing if Old Spice can continue to keep up this trend of impressive commercials.
it almost makes me want to buy their product. almost.
one day I will have a fancy condo
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it will have stainless steel applianceswith big windows
a dishwasher
and an in-suite laundry room
because I am really getting sick of dealing with this person in my building
it's bad enough that I live on the 3rd floor of a walk-up and the laundry room is in the basement
which I can get over
knowing the workout my thighs are getting
going up and down and up and down the stairs
but we only have two washers
and two dryers
and there's this person who leaves their stuff in the dryer
forever
and that really gets my goat
I kid you not I have done two wash/dry loads each and this persons stuff is still there
though by then it's on top of the machine
because fucked if I'm waiting hours for you to come collect your laundry
at your leisure
so yes, person with the purple laundry basket I am talking to you!
it's ME who is tossing your stuff on top of the dryer
it's ME who has to handle your clothes because you're lazy
it's ME who, by the kindness of my heart
doesn't just throw your shit on the floor where it belongs
so now because of this jerk what should take me an hour and a half
is going to take me over four hours
because there's a girl in front of me in laundry-line
who is using one of the dryers, and one of the washers
which means I have
one
load of laundry in
when I need at least three
so you'd better believe that if by the time I get to the dryers
those clothes are still there
that person is getting a very strongly-worded note
on top of their clothes
in a pile on top of the machine
I officially have a new laundry nemesis
oh my god I'm turning into Raymi
Smoking: Break It Off!
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if there's one thing I can't stand, it's smoking. when I was a little girl I spent nearly a decade watching both of my parents -who were heavy smokers- struggle to quit, trying and failing over and over. it was heartbreaking.
I think the biggest deterrent for me though was when my dad woke me up early in the morning one day and showed me the tar he'd coughed up from his lungs into the toilet as they were clearing out. Believe me, if there's a reason to not smoke, that's it!
now that I'm an adult a lot of my friends are smokers -heck, even my boyfriend is a smoker- and even though I don't like watching them smoke, you can't make someone stop smoking. it's like when someone has a toxic boyfriend/girlfriend, even though you know you should say something, you know they have to figure it out on their own and make sure you're there for support when they do.
which is why I was so excited to be asked to be a part of the Break It Off! campaign with Twist Image and The Canadian Cancer Society! their approach -that smoking is like breaking up with someone- is something that I totally agree with, having seen my parents and some of my friends really struggle with quitting.
but you can't do it alone! That's why they've set up their website where you can get tips for quitting, become part of a Smoker's Helpline for those really rough times (hey, it happens!), and my personal fav -the smartphone app (iPhone users can go here) that helps you track when you get cravings, how you're feeling, what you're doing at the time, etc, to really give you insight into your own progress. plus you can log on and share your progress to help inspire other people who are going through the same thing, because let's be honest -breaking up can feel pretty isolating.
which is why I'm doubly excited to share with you that Tyrone has decided to 'break it off'! I'm really proud of him for using this opportunity to really do something to better his health and to help motivate others, so I'll be documenting his 'breaking up' process from both of our perspectives. so without further ado, here's our first vid:
so if you've even been considering quitting smoking, now is the time to do it! BREAK IT OFF!
I hate this douchebag from my History of Science class
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here are some things he said today before class started (just make sure you read them in your most condescending, annoying and obnoxious voice, so it's accurate):I think that you, like me, share a pseudo-nihilistic view of the world
I hate people. My friends are "persons", once you attain a level on which I can tolerate you, you go from being a "people" to a "persons".
I'm a random person - BLEEEEEH
I have a system for eating my Jolly Ranchers... first blue, then bleen -- haha what is bleen?! It's like I'm trying to form words with some pseudo-developed speech system
he's a Transcona person, like me. whoop whoop.
sometimes I get bored and frustrated and I end up gnawing on my desk at home, I'll sit with my forehead against the desk and - it's made of particleboard, by the way
I wrote six pages in two hours (to the prof... why does he care?) in two hours I finished a proposal AND half of my microbio paper
how do I say that in Klingon?
/speaking in Klingon/
I probably made some sort of grammatical error because it's a made up language like esperanto
48,000$ on drugs!
it's like "this big", the keypad I mean, but the buttons are the size of your thumb. I had to clarify in case you thought I was talking about a penis.
I want to kill myself.
