I just want to hold onto moments like this one
sitting on the couch
cats snoozing on either side of me
gold sun streaming in through the tall, old window
filling the room with a warm glow.
I feel warm
glowing
deep breaths in and out
savouring this feeling of
calm
a feeling that sometimes stays away for a long time
but tends to find me again during quiet weekday afternoons like this one.
Afternoons filled with piano, or jazz, or sometimes just silence
silence that used to be deafening
(as a kid I was afraid of silence when I was the only one upstairs in our house
and was afraid as an adult because of the unsettling thoughts that lurked there)
silence that these days offers space for reflection and calm.
I just want to hold onto moments like this one
stretching my fingers and toes and my neck and shoulders
smelling the incense and the fresh cool air from outside
trying to be as present in my own body as possible
because I know these moments are fleeting
moment of calm, moments of happiness
contended silence
quiet joy
so I'm writing about it here in some feeble attempt to capture it
this feeling
that isn't anxiety, or worry
or a million other dumb things I obsess and stress over day-to-day
and just
sit
and write
and hang onto this.
Because it's such a nice change.
