Tagged: boys

When I was younger I knew a boy

- by admin

back when we were both in that weird stage in between adolescence and adulthood when you don't want to be around home because you live with your parents, but you're too broke and not established enough to get a place of your own.

We hung out at his place a lot because his mom was never really home between work and her boyfriend and as a result we spent a lot of time alone together hanging out.

Most of the time I'd go over and one of us would have picked up some meagre groceries with our minimum-wage job money; lettuce and meat and sometimes bread if he didn't have any, and would make huge sandwiches with big slices of cheese and mayonnaise smeared on and would watch episodes of Smallville or Rescue Me on the old couch in his basement.

Once when I was heartbroken we sat on the mattress on the floor in his bedroom and I cried and he held me and I realized that he liked me. Maybe loved me even.

I didn't know what to do so I didn't do anything.

I just let him hold me while I sniffled and shed tears over someone who didn't deserve them.

One time his house was so dirty that I came over and cleaned it while he sat on the kitchen counter talking to me and playing old records that his dad had left behind when he moved out.

He told me that I didn't have to clean and I said that I did. That I was over often enough that I'd made enough of the mess to warrant helping out and besides which his mom hadn't been home since Sunday (it was Wednesday) and it wasn't like he was going to clean, anyway.

He said okay and I vacuumed and dusted and scrubbed and we talked and after I let the dog out I turned around and he was standing behind me.

He kissed me and for some reason I kissed him back.

I realized that this had been a long time coming and I figured "whatever" and went with it when he picked me up and pushed me against the wall as he kissed me.

But when he put me down and my feet touched the hardwood floor it was like reality came back to me and I suddenly didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

I left.

Ten minutes later while I stood shivering in the snow waiting for my bus he came back and took my hand and said he'd drive me home because it was February goddamnit and I let him.

I really didn't know how to leave well enough alone.

coffee shop boy from years back

- by admin

I met you one really really cold winter night. I was out with a friend and we were hiding from the cold while waiting to do something. see a play or a movie or some shit like that.

wait, no. I'm wrong.

we spent a lot of hours at that coffee shop over the course of a few years and that was a different boy and a different time.

this time we were talking about her girlfriend. we were talking about how she didn't know how to 'be' with her girlfriend because she loved her and wanted to be a lesbian but banging a chick just wasn't cutting it for her anymore and she was concerned. confused. sexually and otherwise, I guess. I was facing the coffee shop and I noticed you sitting there and you were looking at something. a book or a camera I think and I couldn't stop staring at you.

not because you were uberhot or really ugly or anything like that. you just looked interesting.

eventually we got up to leave and I mentioned you to my friend and she dared me to blow you a kiss through the window as we walked by which terrified me so of course I did it.

I tapped on the window by where you were sitting and winked and blew a kiss and felt like the biggest loser until you came outside to ask if I wanted to sit and talk with you so I did.

we hung out for a few hours and I drank two awful lattes while we were there and they were so sickeningly sweet that I wound up secretly throwing up in the bathroom. you probably didn't know that.

I hope you didn't.

I wound up bumping into you the following weekend at the same coffee shop while waiting for the same friend who was still having the same problem.

it surprised me, but I had hoped I would.

I'd spent a bunch of time on my hair before leaving the house; I was into wearing it half pulled back and wavy and was doing this stupid thing where I had all these tiny braids running through it. I wanted you to notice and you did, winding one through your fingers and making me shiver in a good way.

you bought me lunch and asked if we could get together sometime.

I said yes, of course. I tried to play it cool but I probably didn't. I never did. never do.

you kissed me and it started snowing.

that's one of the fonder memories I have of you.

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