parents called me and said

October 28, 2011 - 2:04am - by admin

I had to go through Grandma's apartment
and see if there was anything I wanted.
anything I 'wanted'?

I struggled with this.

I think about her as the wrinkles in her face
the wave of her perm
her long nails
the way she held a tissue.

I want to remember those things.

that's what I want.

she isn't even dead
just
moved away
and I'll never see her again.

it kills me.

it destroys me.

I've trying to deal
I have to
what's done is done.

so
we went
and I saw a recipe box
and
printed in her neat writing
at the top of a recipe she'd written
'this would make a good meatloaf!'

it's funny
the sort of thing
that makes you break down

and cry.

I miss her so much
it's like a black hole in my heart
eating me from the inside out
I feel empty.

I miss her.

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