How to deal with "Impostor Syndrome"

August 6, 2015 - 4:09pm - by Alyson Shane

I'm a fraud and eventually everyone is going to figure it out.

Do you ever feel that way? I do. I've felt that way a lot in the last year since I started really putting effort into my business. I frequently feel like one day everyone is just going to open their eyes, rub the sleep out of them and say oh hey you're actually just a giant impostor! and then chase me out of town.

This feeling -which isn't uncommon, by the way - people from Tina Fey to Neil Gaiman and Seth Godin have discussed their struggles with it- is characterized by behaviours like:

• Acting dismissing when praised
• Putting peers up on a pedestal
• Feeling reluctant about accepting new responsibilities or challenges
• Fear of failure
• Worrying that others will "discover" their shortcomings and condemn them for it

“The first problem of any kind of even limited success is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now they will discover you. It’s Impostor Syndrome, something my wife Amanda christened the Fraud Police.” – Neil Gaiman

While I think that this feeling has always persisted in some people (maybe all of us, who knows?) it seems to be that much more pronounced now that we have to project airs of confidence and sell ourselves not just in person, but online as well.

There's a pressure to sell yourself and your abilities, while also remaining "authentic" (something I've talked about a lot.) We feel the pressure to be perfect, but we also have to be as open about our lives and our struggles as we can. We feel the need to be perfect, but we also have to be free to fail and to be open and transparent about those failures.

Trying to walk this tightrope can feel exhausting, and it practically sets you up to feel like a fraud.

As someone who also deals with anxiety on a regular basis (super awesome!... not) this can compound feelings of fakery and throw a huge wrench in my productivity, confidence, and my overall quality of life.

Here's how I deal (and how you can, too!)

Accept that you played a role in your successes. The good things in your life didn't just fall into your lap, you know. You hustled your ass for what you have; you said yes when you could have said no; you took that challenge. You get my drift.

Focus on the value you provide. The fastest way to get over fraudulent feelings is to help people and share what you know (hence this post.) This can be hard because there are so many what-ifs: what if people hate what you have to say? What if they make fun of you? etc etc.... the trick is just to write what you know.

Know that you're going to die. I think about death every day. Not in a morbid sense, but I try to take time to remember that I'm only here for a very short time, and I don't want to spend my limited time in this world giving in to feelings that make me feel bad about myself.

Stop comparing yourself to people. That person, especially. You know the one: the person who's where you want to be, who's written more, shared more, built a bigger business, whatever. Emerson said, “Envy is ignorance…” and he was totally correct. We're inundated with photos, tweets, Vines, etc showing off people's awesome lives, but we never see their struggles. Take those people down off their pedestals in your mind and focus on how you can bring yourself up.

Remember that being wrong or making a mistake doesn't make you an impostor. World leaders make mistakes all the time, Tiger Woods doesn't play every game perfectly, Brad Pitt flubs his lines sometimes... you get my drift. People make mistakes every single day. It's okay that you did, too.

Realize that nobody knows what they're doing. Nobody knows exactly what they're doing, even though there are lots of people out there who will insist otherwise (these people are lying to you.) We live in a world where we have to muck through the mud to get to there we want to be -you, me and everyone else.

Fake it till you make it. Ugh! So clichéd! But it's true. Just like how smiling tricks your brain into feeling happier, putting yourself out there and simply acting like you're 100% confident will start to translate into reality. Neuroplasticity is a wonderful thing, and it means that you can shape your brain by pretending to be what you want to be.

Do you ever feel like an impostor? What steps have you taken to overcome these feelings? Tell me in the comments (or shoot me an email if it's too personal)

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Going Solo: Reflections on 31 days of running my business full-time

August 4, 2015 - 8:19pm - by Alyson Shane

Last Saturday, on August 1st, I passed an important personal milestone:

I'd spent 31 days (a whole month) running my own business full-time.

While this might seem insignificant to some people, it's a really big deal for me. As I've said many times on this blog, I never thought I'd be the kind of person who could run their own business. I was raised with the the mantra of "get a job, stay there, keep your head down and work there until you retire," and the idea of working for myself and being the only person in charge of my own future was really, really scary.

So when I sat down at my desk on my first day of work I felt this huge rush of exhilaration: okay, I'm here. I'm actually doing this... holy shit I'm actually doing this.

(I haven't really lost that feeling, yet.)

The last month has been a whirlwind of activity. Meetings, emails, and more work than I'd imagined. Whoever said that running your own business was easy is lying to you. I don't really know what I expected when I started this adventure, but I wanted to share a few things that have stood out to me over the past several weeks because while some of them were totally expected, others really caught me by surprise.

Here's how things have gone:

My productivity has skyrocketed

Even though this is my first month running my business full-time, I've actually been running it since June of 2014, taking on contracts in addition to my 9-5. This meant that for over a year I was going and working at my desk job (which wasn't terribly rewarding, and sapped a lot of my creative energy) and then working on client stuff in the evenings.

Spoiler alert: this can be exhausting. There were days where I would literally be working from 9am to 1am the following morning, then getting up to go to work and do it again the next night. It sucked.

Sure, there are days when I'm less productive, those happen to everyone, but overall I can churn out significantly more content for myself and my clients now that my time is 100% committed to doing so. I'm not as tired, I'm not as worn-out, and I actually do what I love to do, which is the largest motivating factor.

Additionally, I think that we pick up a lot of bad habits when we work for someone else. There's a lot of "looking busy" or "killing time" that happens at a traditional office job that simply isn't an option when you work for yourself. I'm the only person in charge of my own time, and I have to be accountable to myself.

On that note...

Taking ownership of my own time has been weird

A few weeks ago I had lunch with Dave Shorr and he said "I do all my grocery shopping on Tuesday mornings. Everyone is at work, and I do in 20 minutes what would take me two hours after work. Then I go home and work all day."

I remember being surprised by how casually he brought this up, but now that I've been in the groove of things for a few weeks I totally see his point: understanding how you can "hack" your schedule to make the most of your time can make a huge difference in your productivity levels.

When we work in a traditional office-type setting our time is never really our own. There's always a boss to report to, someone breathing down your neck who is judging how you spend your time "on the clock," and the possibility that you might be reprimanded for not using it in a way that they feel is acceptable.

Owning my time has been the biggest challenge for me this month. When you grow up learning that someone else is in charge of your time, it can be really weird to take ownership of it and use it in the best way possible.

This isn't to say that I'm less accountable than I used to be - in fact, I have more "bosses" today than I did a month ago -but what's different is that (by and large) clients don't care when you do your work, they just care that it gets done. When you do it is up to you.

My to-do list is my best friend

This was John's big piece of advice for me: every day, or once a week, sit down and write out the things that you need to get done. Check them off when you're finished, and cross the whole page off when it's complete!

Every Monday morning I sit down at my desk and write out my to-do list for the week. I include meetings, emails that need to be dealt with, content that needs to be scheduled, etc. I do this for my client work, but I also include a section of my own personal business development goals as well. Am I meeting someone for lunch? In the checklist. Am I planning to reach out to someone? In the checklist it goes!

Having a concrete reminder of what I need to do helps me stay focused and organized, which is a huge boon because working for (and by) yourself can often feel scattered, and it's very easy to get distracted. Having a physical list to go back to and revisit helps me give a sense of order to my days.

Additionally, my to-do list is ever-evolving. I'm not (and will never be) one of those "inbox zero" kinds of people - I'm constantly adding to it, revising, re-thinking, and trying to figure out ways that I can be more productive in less time.

There's no shame in asking for help

I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing without the advice and insight that I've been able to glean from a ton of people: John (obviously), Les, Kyla, Andrea, Jodi, Louie - these are all people who have taken the time to talk to me and give me advice on how to run my business, be efficient, reach out to people, you name it.

I grew up being afraid to ask for help. I felt shame in not-knowing, and actually botched a job opportunity in the past because I was too afraid to speak up and say "hey, I need some guidance over here." I let my own pride and guilt get in the way of being successful, and that's something that I've had to quickly learn to get over. No more being afraid of not-knowing. Period!

I can do whatever the hell I want to do

I didn't want the tone of this post to get too self help-y or preachy, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that every. single. day. this month has been like a slap in the face, reminding me "you can do it if you try."

I mentioned my upbringing at the beginning of this post, and I don't think that I'm the only one who grew up learning this mentality. Our society teaches us that we need to "play it safe" (whatever that means) and that depending on someone else for our paycheque (and in many cases our sense of self-worth) is safer than depending on ourselves to find the value in our work.

We're taught that it's "too hard" and "too challenging" and that people who try are "so brave" (or, if the person you're talking to is a jerk, "so stupid") for putting themselves out there and giving it a shot; as though being in business for yourself is this unattainable pedestal that only the super-driven or super-lucky can attain.

This past month has taught me that those statements are utter bullshit.

There are always going to be creeps in your life who don't want you to challenge yourself; maybe it's your conservative family, maybe it's a naysaying friend, maybe it's a boss who made you feel like dirt every day (I've dealt with all of those). It doesn't matter. If you want to do it, then go for it.

And if you don't know where to start, shoot me a message. I'm always down to chat.

---

Winnipeg Folk Fest: My Favourite Temporary Community

July 14, 2015 - 8:19pm - by Alyson Shane

Hello everyone!

It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been away for the past week or so at the Winnipeg Folk Festival and I'm just getting back into the swing of things today.

For those of you non-festival-goers and non-Winnipeg locals, the Winnipeg Folk Festival is a massive four-day music festival which takes place in Birds Hill Park, one of our beautiful provincial parks. Some people just go for the day, but many of us (myself included) make the trek 45 minutes outside the city to be able to camp in their massive, sprawling campground.

Going to Folk Fest feels like coming home. Every year as I haul my camping gear up the trailhead and see the wide expanse of the festival, with it's multitude of tents, signs, posters, bikes, and decorations my heart starts to flutter and I feel so at peace.

It got me thinking about the beauty of temporary communities.

In university I read a fascinating paper called "In Search of How Societies Work: Tribes - The First and Forever Form" by David Ronfeldt that has always stuck with me. It was one of the first papers that I'd read which got me thinking about how, even in our digital age, we still network and search for "tribes" online that we can connect with: we find Facebook groups, join Twitter chats, and customize our subreddits to help us find communities that we can connect with and which give us a sense of belonging.

As a content marketer, communities are my game. I nerd out about community-building and people coming together to share positive stories and experiences online on a daily basis, and being able to apply that same sense of wonder and excitement to a going camping for a few days is a truly unique experience.

From the moment I set foot in the campground, I feel like I'm among friends; my own kind, who are all there to enjoy the summer, the music, the campground festivities and activities, and each other. We're all friendly, respectful and kind to one another; it's not uncommon to wander by a campsite and join in for a few songs, or make friends while waiting in line for some wood-fired pizza at the food vendors, or simply to wave and say 'hi' to someone whose costume makes you smile.

I'm part of another community at Folk Fest as well: the volunteer crew. Every year over 3,000 volunteers handle everything from security, to environmental clean-up, traffic, first aid, making and distributing food... you name it, there's likely a volunteer to handle it. We spend time training together, getting to know one another, and sharing in the long nights and blazing hot days of our shifts. We make friends with our crew members and the campers are so incredibly kind to us when we're on our shifts; it's not unusual for a random camper to shout out "you guys are doing a great job!" to us as we walk around the campground making sure everyone is having a safe and positive festival experience.

I've been to a handful of festivals in my lifetime but none of them have the same sense of shared respect and camaraderie that I feel at Folk Fest.

The anticipation of going makes me part of another community, as well: many people (myself included) see the festival as one of the highlights of our year, especially here in Winnipeg where our climate can be extremely harsh. Our winter temperatures can plummet to below -40 celsius and stay that way for weeks on end, and our summers can soar to over +40 celsius as well.

We truly experience the full range of seasons here, and many a long winter night is spent daydreaming about warm temperatures and, for many of us, the experience of camping at Folk Fest. I'm not kidding when I say that people live to go camping at this festival and take part in the temporary community that exists for a few short days each year:

People haul in all sorts of weird stuff and set up the weirdest camps, from a temporary tattoo parlour which will create custom designs for you, a Jurassic Park themed camp with huge dinosaurs and torches, a Peanuts themed camp complete with Lucy's psychiatric help booth, to freakin' Bel-Air with a Fresh Prince mannequin, people really do go all-out in order to contribute to this magnificent, temporary community. The sheer amount of effort and love that they put into making the campground experience a unique and positive one for everybody is truly inspiring.

In addition to all the amazing communities that I get to help build and watch grow as part of my work, my day-to-day activities online, and this blog (thank you for reading, as always!), being able to be a part of the multitude of communities at Folk Fest always leaves me feeling so inspired and, of course, dreaming up ways that I can contribute next year!

Do you have any favourite communities (online or offline?) If so, I'd love to hear about them!

---

To my Grandmother in her hospital bed in Toronto

May 18, 2015 - 9:31pm - by Alyson Shane

I asked about calling or sending you flowers but it seems that
you're so close to death that there isn't any point
the doctors
they say that this might be it.
But how can this be it?

You, my immortal grandmother
whose laugh lines and permed hair
somehow made you look
decades younger
than your ninety-odd years
How could old age catch up with you?

Part of me believed that it never would
I suppose.

I assumed that you would use your
razor quick wit
nimble fingers adorned with heavy rings
the cane the doctor made you start carrying
to fend it off
until the end of time.

It seems impossible to think of you
sinking into a too-big hospital bed
smelling of chemicals instead of Eau de Parfum
collarbones poking out from a paper gown
which has no pockets to put tissues
and little lemon-drop candies.

You, my grandmother
who lived on Mountain Avenue since you were two
in a house that hosted four generations of our family.
I wish I could carry you back there
to sit in the old, wicker furniture
and watch the cars go by.
"The blue one is mine, the red one is yours."

But I will accept whatever happens
because there's no point in
raging
against the universe
but
if something happens
I hope that you know that you were loved.

That you are loved, still
that you you exist in the marrow of my bones
in my crooked pinky finger
along the curve of my jaw
in my wavy, unmanageable hair
and the memory of you that lives on through me.

You are always my
Grandma.

---

365 Days

May 7, 2015 - 11:18am - by Alyson Shane

Today marks my one-year anniversary with super-talented megababe John Luxford. That's 365 days of silly jokes, smiles, laughter, and shared experiences.

It's been an incredible ride. Fulls of ups, downs, and more amazing stories than I can count.

But this post isn't about my relationship.

Rather, it's about the first day, 365 days ago, that I took control of my life.

Before May 7th, 2014, I was floundering.

I had been fired from my job at Direct Focus and my career was directionless.
I was in a relationship with someone whom I had outgrown, but I was too insecure to realize it or do anything about it.
I had been partying my weekends away for years and the strain on my health and my wallet was taking its toll.
I had crippling anxiety attacks and routinely broke down, but didn't have the strength to admit that there was a problem.
I was maintaining a destructive and strained relationship with my parents simply because I thought that it was the "right" thing to do.

Things started to fall apart. My life began cracking at the seams.

I couldn't do it anymore.

So on this day last year I took the first step in taking control of my life: I left my boyfriend of nearly five years. With it went most of my "friends" and the party lifestyle that I had become so accustomed to.

Those first few weeks were some of the most difficult I've ever faced. I hadn't realized how much I had relied on my toxic lifestyle to mask much more deep-seated issues in my head and heart, and having to face my mistakes and look critically at my life wasn't easy, to say the least.

It was lonely at first, but removing myself from those influences gave me the space to clear my head and start addressing my issues without the haze of alcohol, partying, and the inevitable Monday-morning low that had clouded my mind for so long.

In the following months I focused on personal reflection and using my new 9-5 as an opportunity to learn some new skills. I picked up my first freelance client that summer and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks: I could do whatever I wanted to do.

I revamped my blog and started sharing the things that were relevant to me. Not just what I'd done that weekend (though sometimes I still share the cool things that I do) but my knowledge, my learning, and most importantly, my struggles. Who I really am.

I've acquired a handful of really great freelance clients while kicking ass at my 9-5. I've made enough money on the side that I've managed to make a serious dent in my student debt - something I could have never done in a year without my freelance work. At this rate I might pay it all off this year, who knows.

I work out regularly and because I don't party like I used to, my body actually responds to the hard work I put into it. I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm only getting stronger.

I stopped putting effort into relationships and friendships that detract from my life. The people I have in my life are smart, driven, kind, sincere individuals whom I know I can turn to in a crisis. This includes addressing issues with my family and standing up for myself.

I've started to address and work on my anxieties. I talk openly about my struggles because I want to help people who experience the same doubts and worries that I do. I work every day to be open and honest with myself and the people in my life about how I feel, and why. It's hard, but it's worth it.

In 365 days I have changed into someone so utterly different from who I used to be that I barely recognize myself sometimes.

I didn't manage all of this because I have a great boyfriend and a new relationship (though that helps), I did it because I started to take ownership of my life and to start making decisions that were in my best interests.

My relationship with John started on May 7th, sure, but I really feel like our anniversary means so much more to me than just the start of my relationship with him: it's the day I finally started taking what I want from life and not being so afraid all the time.

Here's to another 365 days of positive change and amazing new opportunities!

"being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage"
- Lao Tzu

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Life, Patios, New Projects, etc!

April 29, 2015 - 5:31pm - by Alyson Shane

Woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks. It's been weird not writing about my day-to-day goings-on so here's a quick summary of what's been up in the non-content marketing parts of my life:

Last Thursday I hauled myself out to the Club Regent Casino in Transcona (when does anyone go there? I'm never in that end of the city!) with ChrisD, Britt, Nesta and a bunch of other local media-types at the Winnipeg Wine Festival Taste Chile Media Dinner.

The food was absolutely incredible and the wines were delicious. This year's Wine Festival features Chilean wines, which are my favourites, so I was all too happy to attend and support Special Olympics Manitoba!

This past weekend was absolutely amazing weather-wise and I dragged John outside basically from dawn till dusk. Sunday we relaxed on the patio at Beachcomber's at The Forks and took our first summertime selfie!

(Expect to see tons of those in my Instagram and Twitter feeds this summer, guys. Sorry/notsorry.)

One of my favourite things about living in Winnipeg is how many people you see outside the moment spring shows up. The weather is so cold in the winter and while hibernating for half the year makes for great creative time, it's so nice to be able to get outside and actually enjoy the city.

Speaking of John, his company The Campfire Union is developing a virtual reality version of the tabletop game Lost Cities for the Gear VR! We've played the game a few times at Across the Board and it's super fun, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how they make it shine in virtual reality!

Lately it seems like everyone in my life is up to so many cool things, it's so inspiring!

Since my last personal-type post I've been making a concerted effort to try and be more positive day-to-day, and to not let the things that bother me overwhelm me too much. I've been a bit of a handful recently emotionally and it feels good to be getting a sense of balance back in my life again (the nicer weather probably helps - it's easier to feel good when it's nice outside).

I've also been relying really heavily on my Pacifica app recently. I realized that in the month or so when my emotions were overwhelming me I wasn't using the app as often as I had been previously, and I realized that the mindfulness that 'checking in' to the app a few times a day gave me really helped me reflect and seek balance day-to-day.

Managing my anxiety is hard, but it's a learning process, and I'll only get better with time and practice.

In other news...

Happy Wednesday!

---

Why I Haven't Been Around

April 21, 2015 - 8:58pm - by Alyson Shane

Things have been difficult lately.

Not life; life overall has been incredible. In the past few months I've had amazing opportunities fall into my lap, made new connections and friends, and started to take some serious action in terms of my own personal growth.

My mind has been difficult lately, though, which is why you haven't seen much of the "real" (non-professional) me on this blog recently. It's easy to crutch on my Crowdfunding Crash Course project, or to whip an article about content marketing together because it's knowledge that I can easily make sense of and put into words.

Anxiety doesn't work that way. It makes you mute. It makes you hole up inside yourself and just dig deeper and deeper, and you don't even realize you're doing it until someone points it out.

The other day, after a full-blown anxiety attack John said to me "have you been doing any writing therapy lately? You used to write all the time - when was the last time you wrote about things?" and I realized that I haven't. Going back through my posts, the last time I wrote something "personal" was March 5th, when I wrote "To My Family, Who Read This Blog."

It occurred to me, then, that that's what has been eating at me: since my family cut me out I've been allowing my anxiety to build inside of me because it's always in the back of my mind. It's hard to land speaking opportunities, new clients, meet new people and not be able to call my dad and say

"Hey Dad, guess what just happened!"

It's even harder not to be able to call and say

"Hey Dad, how are you? I love you, and I really miss you, and I wish that you were able to have the kind of relationship with me that I'd like us to have."

It eats at me some days.

I think about my brothers a lot. I think about how they're younger than I am, and how they grew up with this idea that I'm this weird black sheep who just can't conform to what my parent's expectations are. I worry that they think that I'm a bad person because I'm not around to show them otherwise, because I know that that's the narrative that they're hearing: that I'm selfish. That I'm blaming everyone except myself. That I should just "suck it up."

I think about my mom a lot. My mom who refused to speak to me after I reached out to her; who stepped away from me and cast me out because I finally stood up for myself. My mom, who taught me so many negative behaviours and who has been the cause of so much of my stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. It's hard to disentangle myself from her influence, especially when she holds the keys to the cage in which the rest of my family resides, and manipulates everyone within it.

I think about my dad a lot, especially. I think about my dad every single day. I try to be objective and realize that, ultimately, the decision to not speak to me was, and continues to be, his own. But he's my dad. I'm his only daughter and I always assumed that, no matter what, he would be there for me. However he's also a person, one with flaws and issues just like everyone else, and it's unfair of me to put him up on a pedestal just because he's my father. Honestly though, that's been the hardest part so far.

The problem with thinking, and anxiety, is that it gets you caught up in these negative thought loops - your thoughts spiral downward and you get stuck running over the same comment or situation over and over. Everything suddenly becomes a really big deal.

Which explains why every small issue that's come up in my life has also become a really big deal: because I have this huge issue looming over my life constantly which amplifies everything else. Every good thing is really, really good, and every bad thing is really, really, tremendously bad.

Which leads me to this post. These words, on this page, the over-sharing and stream of consciousness writing that, as I type these words on the screen helps lift that giant weight up off my chest. I need to remember that writing is therapy, and that I have a safe place, here on my blog, where I can write as much and as often as I need. That it's okay to be going through this and talking about it openly.

Thank you for being here, and for listening.

---

Happy International ASMR Day

April 9, 2015 - 6:43pm - by Alyson Shane

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always loved the sounds of people speaking softly, soft tapping, scratching or brushing sounds, and lightly-accented voices. I used to sit and watch Bob Ross for hours on end, mesmerized by his voice, and nobody around me could understand why.

This is because I have ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, which Wikipedia describes as "perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or cognitive stimuli."

Basically what happens, for me anyway, is when I listen to people speaking softly, or hear "trigger" sounds, I get a pleasant tingling sensation in my brain. It also makes my skin really sensitive, and I frequently run my fingers gently along my arms or wrists when I hear someone that triggers it.

If you're unsure if you've ever experienced it, ask yourself if you've ever experienced a pleasant tingling feeling, wave of calmness, or "itchy brain" feeling when exposed to any of these triggers:

• Exposure to slow, accented, or unique speech patterns
• Viewing educational or instructive videos or lectures
• Experiencing a high empathetic or sympathetic reaction to an event
• Enjoying a piece of art or music
• Watching another person complete a task, often in a diligent, attentive manner. Examples: filling out a form, writing a check, going through a purse or bag, inspecting an item closely, etc.
• Close, personal attention from another person
• Haircuts, or other touch from another on head or back

I only realized that I had ASMR a few years ago - until then whenever I mentioned the "brain tingles" I would get, people looked at me like I had lost my marbles. It wasn't until listening to an episode of This American Life that I realized that there weren't just others like me, but a while community of people on YouTube, Reddit and elsewhere who share experiences and post videos or audio clips to try and trigger other people.

But why am I talking about this?

First, it's because today is International ASMR Day, so it feels appropriate.

Second, I wanted to write about how finding acceptance in the ASMR community has helped me start accepting a part of my life that I had largely kept hidden from people. Being able to understand and find acceptance about something that had always alienated me from other people was a huge weight off my shoulders. You can only hear "you're weird" or "you're crazy" so many times before you stop trying to discuss an experience with people.

One of the amazing things about the ASMR community online is how kind and accepting everyone is. We all share a weird connection, and most ASMR artists incorporate kind, relaxing, and supportive messages into their videos as part of the "relaxing" experience that ASMR causes.

Third, I wanted to discuss it because ASMR videos have played a huge role in dealing with my anxiety. In addition to feeling a connection with the ASMR artists, the videos have a hugely calming effect on me, and have been a really powerful tool in helping me calm down during an anxiety attack, or helping me focus when I'm stressed out. There's even an article on LifeHack.org about using ASMR to de-stress.

Below are a few of my favourite ASMR videos, which I play on a regular basis when I'm stressed out or just want to experience a pleasant, calm feeling.

If you experience ASMR, or maybe even if you don't (who knows?) they might help calm you or make you feel good:

Do you have ASMR? If so, do you use it to help with an issue like stress or anxiety?

---

Smiling With My Teeth

March 24, 2015 - 5:29pm - by Alyson Shane

I was going back through some old photos the other day and I noticed a trend that I think a lot of people fall into: I was making the same face in every photo.

See what I mean?

Going back farther, I noticed that I had the habit of making what I refer to as the "Ugly Girl Face" - aka, a generally grotesque or distorted face in photos. 

This face, referred to as the "After Hours Sex Face" thanks to a video that I'd seen online, was one that I pulled because I didn't like how I looked in photos. I felt self-conscious about my hair, my makeup, my personality, and most importantly my weight. 

Making the AHSF was my way of drawing attention away from aspects of myself that I was uncomfortable with; I was able to hide behind it, even in photos.

After a while I started to grow up and become more confident and the AHSF (thankfully) became a relic only available in old, old Facebook albums. 

Except around this time another trend emerged: I started making the same face in every photo. 

If you look at photos of me from 2010-2013, I make the same face in almost every picture: head cocked to the side, close-lipped smile, etc. 

While these photos don't necessarily make me look bad (that would defeat the purpose) they certainly don't express my personality in any memorable way. 

Then, around mid-2014 this started to change. I started smiling with my teeth, laughing in photos, and sharing images of myself that didn't look totally posed and put-together. In fact, my "candid" laugh photos started to rapidly become my favourite pictures. 

The more I thought about this shift, the more I realized that the way that I smiled in the photos was indicative of how comfortable I was with myself: I've spent the last year going through some major emotional and personal changes, which seem to have manifested themselves in a way that I hadn't previously thought about.

I realized that over time I had gone from one extreme to another: distorting my face to mask how I felt about myself deep down, to accepting who I was and sharing it with a huge burst of laughter and a smile.

It makes me wonder about women who pull faces in photos, or strike the same pose in every group photo. Is this what, subconsciously perhaps, is going on? Why do we worry so much about how people perceive these photos of ourselves?

Have you noticed changes in how you present yourself in photos over the years? If so, why do you think that is? Let's discuss!

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You Are Not Your Place of Work

March 19, 2015 - 4:32pm - by Alyson Shane

I read an interesting article on Lifehacker today called "The Company You Work for is Not Your Friend" which really struck a chord with me based on an experience that I had right out of university.

I started working for a "business incubator" taking care of their marketing and B2B advertising. They had created the position, which supported the Director of Sales, shortly before hiring me and as such my position didn't have clearly-defined work parameters. This was one of the things that excited me about the position: the ability to use it to grow and make it into my own.

I had spent time and effort pouring myself into the position; trying to help the company and it's clients become more organized and streamlined in their processes. I sat in on extra meetings, just so that I could gain a better understanding of the process. I showed up early and stayed late. 

As such, when they let me go after a mere 30 days my starry-eyed, newly-graduated self was caught totally off-guard. Actually, to put it more truthfully, I was devastated. 

Clearly something had gone wrong here, but what? What had I done that had led to this decision? 

I decided to reach out to my former boss to get some answers. 

I called him and left a friendly voicemail thanking him for giving me the opportunity to have worked for him, and asking for a quick chat to clarify what I could do better in my future roles. After a few days I followed up with an email, which was met with even more silence.

In the meantime I found a new job, but I was still distraught. How could I move on from this past experience without learning what I could have done better? 

Eventually, close to two months after I was let go, my former boss sent me a terse email making vague excuses about not getting back to me (he lost my phone and his email also stopped working for two months) and essentially stated that he hadn't thought out the parameters of the job before hiring me, and felt that it was in his (and his company's) best interests to let me go rather than work with me to develop the position, despite the fact that this was the original goal when I was hired.

It was then that reality really sunk in: no matter how hard I had tried, no matter how much effort I had put in, it wouldn't have worked out. Not only that, but my ability to learn a lesson and to grow from the experience mattered so little to this person that he put off getting back to me for an egregious amount of time.

This flew in the face of everything that I had grown up thinking. My parents, and to some extent my formal education, had taught me that if I busted my ass my bosses would always see it and I would always have a safe, secure place within the company I worked for. As such, I went into the situation blindly, assuming that if I just worked hard and did my best, that the fruits of my labour would be rewarded with a long and happy employment.

Obviously this was not the case, and it isn't for many people. 

In a way, though, I was lucky to have learned this lesson right out of the gate; many people spend their lives working for a company, only to be laid off during tough times or let go because of personality conflicts with new management. No amount of dedicated work can change the economy or stop someone from being an asshole. You have to cover all your bases.

In the years since, while I've continued to be employed full-time at a 9-5 job, I've made a directed and deliberate effort to maintain my professional network, to keep my resume updated, and to continue to pursue things like freelance work and speaking opportunities which add to my professional portfolio. 

Not because I expect to get fired anytime soon, but because I want to have control over my own career and the direction that I want my life to take. Part of that requires being prepared to do so.

Because at the end of the day the only person who is truly dedicated to making your career a successful one, is you. 

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