Sunday Zoo Date
Sometimes, on one of the few nice days that yr city has had in a while, you have to go out on a date to Assiniboine Park and hit up the zoo.
Mostly because it's a charming & cute thing to do, but mostly because prices are going up by almost $10 next week and I like to save a dime where I can.
I hadn't been to the zoo in a few years and didn't remember there being anything this neat, so we hung around and oggled the emus and kangaroos while secretly sipping white wine.
We also have a toucan house which has an ocelot in it and if you whisper sweet nothings to it through the glass while it's cleaning itself it'll get a boner which will make families freak out because kids can't know that animals have penises, or something
and you high-five the ocelot later because that was rad.
We also have a bunch of teeny monkeys and also birds with rad hairdos, pictured below:
I also spent a good part of the afternoon kinda stalking this couple who was wandering around.
They were too cute and he kept putting her on his shoulders so she could see, or pointing out stuff that she was missing because she kept tryna hold his hand or kiss him instead and he was all
look at these animals, you lovestruck fool
(or at least I think that's what he was saying)
So it was a big surprise when the super-cute couple came up and asked to take our photo because they thought we were super cute.
Which basically means that we won at the zoo that day.
Our last stop was the Discovery Centre which did this promotion when it was being built where you could come and have yr hand/foot on a tile on the wall.
My mum says that my baby self was being really difficult that day so instead of my hands they put my feet on the tile
but I like to think that I was just trying to stand out.
After we finished oogling my cute baby footprint and also staring at spiders and toads we went for ice cream at Sargeant Sundae which is kind of a prerequisite to visiting Ass Park during the summertime.
I had a hot fudge sundae and John has an old man-style dipped cone.
Afterward we lay around on the grass and read to each other and generally grossed out everyone around us with our antics and dumb giggling
which is pretty par for the course.
Fallout
Nobody ever tells you about
the collateral damage of a nuclear relationship
the people caught in the fallout
contaminated by our black rain.
How did we not know
the levels of toxicity in the air
burning us up from the inside-out?
As we walked hand in hand, oblivious
we left our Geiger counters at home.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.
People we once knew now exist only
as shadow versions of themselves
seared into our brittle bones
their outlines are visible
but we can’t see their insides
their burned-out pinks and reds.
They say that the hurt will decay exponentially
we’ll lose it like deciduous teeth
while we wait out our half-life in shelters
secretly doubting the halving thickness.
In the aftermath
we measure our heartbreak in roentgens
wandering our personal wastelands
toxic ash in our mouths
hearts in decay.
White Oleander
I first read the book when I was seventeen.
I found it in Bison Books which is in a different, not as good, location now.
The old location had an upstairs mezzanine level with this neat little alcove area where, as it turns out, I would eventually discover some of the most important books in my life.
It was air-conditioned and I was a teenager with a lot of time to kill and at the time my mum and I weren't getting along, and she would make me leave the house at 8am regardless of whether or not I had somewhere to go.
So I went to the bookstore.
That summer I reread the book at least a dozen times. I think I identified with the girl in the novel who didn't know who she was just yet.
Astrid was lost, and to a large extent that summer I felt lost.
I drifted around from place to place during the day between the two jobs that I worked, trying to avoid the two toxic relationships in my life: my boyfriend at the time, and my mother.
Things changed, of course.
That relationship ended, and I somehow managed to mend my broken relationship with my mother, and different books came to live in the large purses that I used to carry around before everyone got smartphones.
Watching the film now feels familiar.
It reminds me of that girl that I used to be, and that summer
and how we're always, still, a little bit lost.
Closure Dreams
After every major life event (read: breakup) I have there's obviously a time of mourning and a time for sads and etc.
That's natural and I think everyone has them.
For me I know that something in my life is truly over when I dream about it.
It happens without fail, and it happened last night.
After I'd looked through old photos and remembered the life that I used to share with someone else. After I'd thought stuff like
look how happy we were
how did we let this happen
where will he go from here?
and, obviously, with a twinge of sadness
he'll be this happy with someone else someday
which is true, and I hope happens for him sooner than later.
Last night I had a dream that he called me to pick up some stuff and he was living in The Roslyn, which is this huge amazing old building in Osborne Village
and also my very first apartment where I lived as a single gal for a year, and where I was living when we started dating.
In my dream I went up to the 6th floor where he was living (which doesn't exist) and though I know we talked in my dream I don't remember what we talked about
and at the end of our discussion his phone rang and I said
who's that
and he said
my girlfriend
and then I woke up and realized how truly over everything was.
This happens every time I go something life-changing, and I hadn't realized until now how much I've come to expect and rely on those closure dreams.
It's like my mind's way of saying "it's okay.
It's over, and everything will be okay."
It's funny how sometimes we need to fall back on ourselves more than we need to fall back on other people.
I expected the dream to make me sad, and is has, a little
but it made me feel a lot better, actually
because it's a signal that I can start to really move forward.
Everything will be okay, for both of us.
These encouraging streets
I spotted these a few weeks ago while walking to work -they were written on the sidewalk by the Granite Curling Club between Balmoral and the Osborne Bridge and I'm totally in love with them. There's something so lovely about these impermanent encouraging messages.
Hip Hop Sunday: Nas - Poppa Was a Playa
Which my dad obviously isn't, though he's pretty cool.
I called him today and he was all
yr mum made me go buy flowers
then made me go shopping
and my dog is slobbering on me
and it's raining outside
but I'm a pretty happy guy these days
which made me a pretty happy girl.
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
xox
yr girl Scrawn
TEDxManitoba
Yesterday I had the good fortune to attend TEDxManitoba, which was held at the Tom Hendry Theater.
(also featured: my amazing Americano from Parlour Coffee, 'natch)
Of course I had to strong-arm John into being my wingman for the day.
The lineup was really stellar, but there were a few that really stood out for me:
David Gingera of CitiGrow's talk about sustainable, urban agriculture. Buying locally-grown food has become hugely important to me over the last little while, even more so since I've begun gardening through the West Broadway Community Center. It was really inspiring to hear someone be so passionate about such an important issue.
I also really loved Brian Bowman's talk about being caught in the crossfire of a gunfight in Mexico (what?!) and how it changed his outlook on life. I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been, but it was wonderful to hear how the experience shaped him, and how he used the experience to motivate himself moving forward.
Ted Geddert's performance with his son, in which he told the story of losing one of his sons at the age of 13, and how the family has coped with the loss and found hope in the aftermath. They incorporated singing as well, and it was hands-down my favourite talk of the day (I cried a little bit).
In-between talks I ate way too much (Sun Burger from The Underground Café for brunch, salad/sandwiches for lunch, pie in a mason jar and GORP bars omg) and hung around with the likes of Natalie Bell aka @pegcitylovely and we proceeded to weird everyone out in the backstage hallway.
Thank you so much to TEDxManitoba for having me out! I've loved being involved with these events so much that I'm thinking about volunteering next year (or speaking, maybe? Who knows!)
I like to think that I have a way with words
because I write a lot here and elsewhere and have a secret poetry blog and leave notes lying around wherever I go.
It fascinates me how we can use words to communicate so much, sometimes with so little.
Which is why a weekend date to the Winnipeg Spoken Word Festival seemed like the perfect thing for yr girl.
We caught the final evening of the festival on the Saturday and got to see Isaac Bond, Shayna Stock, Greg “Ritallin” Frankson, Mary Pinkoski, Nereo II and Buddy Wakefield (though the dude who really stole the show was the dude who MC)
and I wasn't sure what to expect at first because honestly I'd never really seen any spoken word performed besides that poem from "So I Married an Ax Murderer".
and what it turned out to be was funny and powerful and moving in ways that I hadn't expected.
I laughed and got teary and smiled and felt uncomfortable once or twice and sometimes I felt like my heart was going to explode.
which is what good words should do
move yr soul.
Hip Hop Sunday: Cadence Weapon - Real Estate
Stayed up cackling like a crazy person till 4am
after eating nachos and watching Orange is the New Black
got only 5hrs sleep
because I had to wake up & roll around in bed
and cackle some more.
It was supposed to thunderstorm today but it doesn't look like it will.
So things are shaping up pretty swimmingly.
Enjoy your Hip Hop Sunday, kids.
xox
yr girl Shaner
