Tagged: Life
Hit up the Third + Bird Christmas Market yesterday
- by Alyson Shane
I went with Carlene and Katrina yesterday and bought too many things including honey, art, and a large air plant.
Mostly art though, and most of it is 204-related.
Which was an accident, I swear, but served as a really strong reminder of how into my city I've become over the last few years. I'm proud of it, in a weird way. When I go to events like Third + Bird and see all these local vendors selling items made with love and effort and the outpouring of support from the community it really just fills up my old grinch heart.
If you're curious where I spent all my dollars I recommend checking out Cree Ryan, Bearface General Store, Beeproject Apiaries, and Happyland Print Shop.
Later in the evening we went out with one of John's friends to Ye's Buffet and I inhaled way too many chicken balls with plum sauce, and gave myself a stomach ache from the too-big bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate and caramel syrup.
I can't be a trendy hipster all the time, y'know?
Re-watched La La Land today
- by Alyson Shane
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for musicals.
I like this one, especially, because of the ending.
(and if you haven't seen it by now then I don't feel bad for spoiling it - it came out in 2016, after all.)
Don't get me wrong: I'm a sucker for a good romantic story, and it's always nice when the characters end up together. There's really something to be said for a nice happy ending.
But that's not always how life goes, is it?
Most love stories don't have happy endings. We often need to go through a few sad endings in order to get to our big happy ending - and that's assuming that you find one at all. Some people don't.
Or they have it, and they lose it.
They let it slip through their fingers like sand.
Which is what La La Land is about. Two people who have a chance at a happy ending together, but they lose it because they stop putting in the effort. They let arguments, disappointments, and their own ambitions get in the way of their relationship with one another.
They stop seeing each other, and they drift apart.
Do you know what I mean by seeing? Like, the person who used to make everything you did together interesting and fun has just become a person who also lives in your house/condo/apartment with you and sleeps on the other side of the bed. They go from being that person to just a person.
Which is terrifying, I know.
But it happens a lot. It's how tons of real-life romances end. Most of us have probably experienced it (if you haven't, you're lucky, because it's awful) but most of us have because - let's face it - it can take a few tries to figure out how a relationship is supposed to work.
But usually we don't make movies out of those failed tries, which is why I love La La Land. It's a story about heartbreak and failure wrapped up in bubblegum colours, tap dance, and jazz.
It's also why I love 500 Days of Summer, but we can talk about that one another day. It's on my list.
The epilogue scene - the one where Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone imagine what their lives would have been like together - makes my cry like the intro of Up! does. Every damn time.
I can't help it.
It makes me think about how fragile our relationships are. How quickly they can fall apart if we let them; if we stop seeing each other and making time in our lives for our partner.
(I'm glad John held my hand in the theatre during this part, btw)
He held my hand throughout most of it, actually, which was nice because I get emotional during musicals.
Especially ones where Ryan Gosling plays such mean piano.
Some words for how I feel
- by Alyson Shane
Happy.
Joyful.
Delighted.
Grateful.
Blissful.
Over the moon.
Humbled.
Surprised.
Excited.
Lucky.
So, so lucky.
I'm turning 30 soon, and here are some thoughts on that
- by Alyson Shane
It's nearly here. My 30th year.
Part of me almost didn't expect to get here, if I'm being honest.
Because for most of those 30 years, I didn't feel like my life was worthwhile.
Sure, there were pockets of happiness; moments that shine. But for the vast majority of my life they were few, and far-between.
I was never excited about my future. As far as my parent's vision for my life was concerned, I wasn't good for anything other than a "safe" job. That the best I could (and should) hope for was to find a union job (so I couldn't get fired), and to "keep my head down" until I retired quietly.
(and look - that's a great path for some people. No shame in a unionized job. But it didn't exactly leave me feeling as though I could possibly do anything else.)
I struggled in high school as a result of a messed-up home life. I was often too anxious to go to class, so I'd skip. Then, because I'd already skipped 2, maybe 3 classes that week, I'd just skip the whole week because it made me too anxious to go into class, be singled out by the teacher, and be reminded of just how far behind I was.
I was told I was stupid and I felt that way, and my grades reflected the assumptions I made about my own intelligence.
I was told by my parents, and as such believed, that I was a fundamentally bad person; lazy, selfish, self-centered, and a liar. For a really, really long time.
As a result, I assumed that my life would be, as Thomas Hobbes so aptly put it: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
(Ironically I'd go on to study Hobbes in a Social & Political Philosophy class while competing my B.A., something that, even at the time, I didn't feel smart enough or capable enough of achieving.)
But things are different now.
I don't believe those things anymore.
I'm still dealing with the fallout of those beliefs, though. Not a day goes by where I don't have to unpack something in some small way.
Watching my tongue when I get upset with someone.
Not getting defensive during a difficult or challenging conversation.
Never giving the silent treatment or "punishing" my partner when I'm upset with them.
Learning to say "I'm sorry. I was wrong."
Repeating these sentences every day to myself like a prayer:
"You're good enough."
"You're smart enough"
"You deserve the good things in your life."
Some days I believe those things more than others. But I'm getting there.
Most days I look around myself with incredulity, amazed at the life I've somehow managed to build for myself:
A business that challenges and fulfills me
(sometimes more the former than the latter, but it ebbs and flows)
a partner who loves me, bumps and all,
and this incredible group of friends who love me, too.
Love me.
I still have a hard time believing that I deserve it, sometimes. Even though they tell me all the time.
Like I said, some days I believe these things more than others.
It's weird to be here, at an inflection point. Or maybe "reflection point" is more fitting. Either way, looking back on the three decades I've been around, and seeing where I've gone in such a short time, is incredible.
I've made it so much farther than I ever thought I was capable of going.
I'm an engaged member of my community. I go to fun events, festivals, and throw rad parties. I speak at events and conferences about my industry and experiences. I share good, deep laughs with the people I care about on a regular basis. I tell my friends and partner how I feel, and how much they mean to me. I've moved away. Moved back. I quit my safe desk job and put myself through university. I earned a B.A. I've backpacked through three countries. I've seen a squid that glows in the dark.
I run my own company.
I run a fucking company. That has clients, pays people, and pays for my lifestyle.
(That one still surprises me.)
But yet... here we are.
Holy shit.
A few months ago my therapist asked, what would say to my younger self, now?
What would I say to the little girl who was told, from the start, that she would never amount to anything? To the teenager who was told that she was a fundamentally bad person? To the woman who spent most of her adult life fighting back against that engrained belief?
I started crying.
"I'd tell her that it gets better. So, so much better than she could have imagined."
(I really do believe that, you know.)
It got better.
A lot better.
And I'm really, really excited to see where it goes.
Happy early 30th birthday to me.
- yr girl, Shaner
My "Unplugged" Summer
- by Alyson Shane
Stunningly accurate image via iam-kerri on DeviantArt
I'm addicted to social media.
Most of us don't want to say it out loud, but we're addicted to the info/updates/likes/comments cycle that social media and mobile technology has brought into our lives.
As someone who spends the majority of her time thinking about branding and generating social content (both personal and professional), I may be a bit hyper-sensitive to this reality, but it's true: most of us are addicted to our smartphones.
I've known this for a while, but earlier this summer I read an article on CNET that really bothered me. The TL;DR is that our phones make us stupid. Whether they're on, off, turned face down... whatever; having your smartphone in the room with you decreases your ability to think and concentrate, making you less productive and inherently less capable overall.
With this in mind, I decided to run an experiment of sorts: I made a commitment to myself to find opportunities to physically distance myself from my phone in order to be more engaged with the world around me throughout the summer.
It's been an interesting few months, and here are the takeaways:
I Read More Books
On average, I read maybe half a dozen or so books a year.
I'm not sure what you read on an annual basis, but I've always been a voracious reader and could easily power through a whole novel in a few sittings (I read all of Stephen King's "The Shining" in a day when I was a younger) so I've definitely noticed my declining ability to sit down and read a book in the last few years.
I do most of my reading before bed, which is problematic because I use my phone as my alarm clock (a bad habit that I'm not ready to let go of, if I'm being honest) so I had to set aside time to read during my days instead, or make a point to leave my phone in another room while I was reading.
Here's how many books I've read and finished in the past 4 months:
- On Writing - Stephen King
- Lady Oracle - Margaret Atwood
- Her Fearful Symmetry - Audrey Niffenegger
- Women - Charles Bukowski
As you can tell, I averaged about a book a month, which is well beyond my annual average. I'm still significantly slower than I used to be, but it reminded me that in order to enjoy and make your way through a novel you have to sink down into it, which is something I struggle to do whenever my phone is present.
I honestly thought that it wouldn't be as noticeable as the CNET article made it out to be, but I was floored by how much more easily I could enjoy a book when I couldn't just reach over for my phone.
**I should point out that I read on average 6-12 articles a day; some for work and some for leisure, so I don't think how much I read has decreased; only what I read, and in which format.**
I Was Fully Present
This one was the hardest.
We go to a few festivals a year, and do some camping with friends in addition to those events, and I promised myself that I was going to keep my phone in my tent and on airplane mode (because I still have to check work from time to time) instead of keeping it on my person.
I realized that I'd been using "taking photos" (something I do, but not as regularly as I used to) as an excuse to keep my phone - and the comfort it gave me - around even when I didn't need it.
The hardest part of this exercise was "memory FOMO" or, worrying that I wouldn't have anything to populate my social feeds with when I returned to my everyday life. I saw people taking photos and videos on their phones around me and would often self-judge for not doing the same, which was a new and unpleasant feeling.
Instead, I'd just take a deep breath and experience as much of the present moment as possible. It was hard but, you guys, it was so good.
I Enjoyed Myself More
The biggest change (and challenge) was allowing myself to live in the present moment as fully as I possibly could.
Because of what I do for a living, I often frame content (photos, and the like) with a plan in mind: how do I want this to look? How does it reflect my personal brand? Which hashtags can I use to connect this with a broader community?... and so on.
Not having my phone glued to my palm the urge to check updates, post photos, and record my life for future social media content didn't entirely eliminate my FOMO, but it did act as a reminder that the only way to hold onto my memories was to immerse myself in what I was doing, or what was happening around me.
In a world dominated by Snaps, Boomerangs, and hashtags, it was nice to find a few moments of solitude where my digital life didn't interfere with my physical one.
Wanna Try, Too? Here's What You can Do
Going "unplugged" doesn't have to be a totally terrifying prospect (as it was for me before I started this experiment) but here are a few things that I did to help lessen my dependency on my phone that you can try, too:
- Keep your phone out of sight, or in another room, when not in use.
- Don't browse before bed! Instagram black holes steal your sleep. Read a book instead.
- READ MORE BOOKS. I prefer fiction but choose the topics you love best.
- Leave your phone in your tent while camping.
- Alternatively, leave your phone in your car, or in your purse/bag, while out with friends.
Of course, there are lots of other ways you can go "unplugged" for any extent of time, but these should set you on the right track!
Do you have any experience "unplugging" or ditching your digital device? Tweet at me or tell me in the comments!
Two Years In
- by Alyson Shane
What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was small I wanted to be a golfing farmer. Then I wanted to be an artist. Then I wanted to be a writer. Of course, nobody took the first one seriously, but pursuing a career in a creative field was strongly discouraged. "There's no money in creative pursuits" I was told, over and over again.
So imagine my surprise when I found myself sitting on the Roost rooftop patio a few weeks ago celebrating my second anniversary as a full-time business owner.
Not only do I get to do the creative work that I love to do (writing) every day, but I get to leverage the thing I love to do another thing that I love (helping people) while building the life that I want for myself. That's pretty incredible.
So with that revelation in mind, I wanted to touch on a few things that I've been reflecting on over the past few days as I ponder what got me here, and how things have changed in these past two years:
Outgrowing Corporate Life
The advice I got the most often when I was growing up was "find a job and keep your head down" which - in case you haven't met me - is the polar opposite of who I am as a person.
I'm not a lady who keeps her head down and her mouth shut, and it always proved challenging in work environments where I didn't have the control or opportunities to experiment, try new things, and get creative with problem-solving.
For a long time I thought it was character flaws that were keeping me from being a happy employee. Why couldn't I just fit in? Why did I have to challenge my supervisors when I thought I knew of a better way to do something? Why did I continue to lose motivation after the first few months of doing the same tasks day in and day out?
Mostly I wondered: why did everyone else not seem to have these same challenges?
It was crazy-making, and it wasn't until I started freelancing in 2014 that I started to experience the kind of control and freedom that I'd been looking for and failing to find in my corporate life.
I realized that the problem wasn't me, it was the work I was doing and the places I was doing it.
Let me be clear: there's nothing wrong with a corporate job if that's what you want, but for some of us it feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole every day.
It's nice to not feel that way anymore.
Finding Amazing Opportunities
The one thing that I don't think I was prepared for was the amount of opportunities that being a business owner afforded me, and how much those experiences have enriched my life.
I used to wile away my days at my desk, watching people on Twitter share talks and presentations and workshops and all these fun and exciting-looking opportunities. I wanted to be doing those things, but I didn't know how to get there.
Here's the thing about being a business owner, though: in order for your business to be successful you have to put yourself out there.
This is where that whole "being unable to keep my head down / mouth shut" aspect of my personality really acts as a blessing: I'm comfortable putting myself out there and getting up in front of people, so I'm comfortable with the hustle associated with promoting and building a business.
These days I write articles, run workshops, speak at conferences, and I even have my own print column. While, yes, I could have certainly leveraged my personal brand to find these opportunities, having a business gets me in front of other professionals in a way that being an employee at someone else's company didn't afford me. And honestly? That's probably the coolest part.
Learning to Manage Others
In 2016 my business grew enough that I began working with outside contractors to help manage my workload. By the time I rebranded and launched Starling Social earlier this year I'd already been working with contractors for a while, but formally announcing that we have a team felt like a huge accomplishment. Looking at our About Us page and seeing more faces than just my own is still a bit mind-blowing, and I'm so thankful to work with the passionate and dedicated people that I do.
On one hand, having someone help you manage your workload is a huge boon. On the other hand, sharing my thoughts and developing the processes needed to effectively on-board others was scary. My anxieties make me afraid of failure and "being wrong" and it was intimidating to open my business up to other people and let them in.
That being said, being forced to take a long, critical look at how and why I did things helped me gain a much deeper understanding of the value of using the right tools, processes, and documentation to run my business and serve our clients.
They say the best way to understand something is to teach it to someone else, and that applies in business, too.
Gaining Confidence
The single biggest change in the last two years is the confidence that I've developed as a result of being a business owner.
I can feel it permeating every conversation I have; there's a security, a solidarity in my sense of self that just wasn't there a few years ago. Of course, I still have moments (or days, or sometimes even weeks) of doubt and struggle, but overall working for myself and managing both clients and contractors has helped me grow into a significantly more confident person, both personally and professionally.
I have anxiety, and until recently I was seeing a therapist who was helping me work through some traumatic childhood experiences that contributed to those feelings. While therapy was invaluable (really, I can't recommend it enough if you feel like you need it) it was the daily practice of getting up, working by myself all day and facing my problems and challenges head-on, and reflecting about those challenges in a safe space that really contributed to my increased overall sense of well-being and confidence.
I really do believe that being your own boss is one of the best things you can do to build up your self-confidence. It pushes the boundaries of your comfort zone in so many small ways every day.
Moving Forward
Business is growing and these days it feels like I have more stuff to do than hours in the day, but that's okay. I'm learning to develop and maintain a work/life balance, which can be hard sometimes when your work is the thing you love to do.
I believe that people create their own luck, though to be perfectly honest most of the time it still feels like I stumbled into this amazing, stressful, and challenging opportunity even though I can look back and see the years of work and dedication that it took to get here, even if I didn't know that this was where I was going. And honestly, that's the coolest part: not knowing where this adventure is going to take me.
I'm really excited to see what the next few years bring my way.
Just spent the last 5 days camping at Folk Fest
- by Alyson Shane
Most years we volunteer but 2017 has been so crazy and hectic already that we nixed the extra responsibility. Instead we just camped and roasted in the sun and took in as much music as you can reasonably cram into bright, hot days without giving yourself sunstroke.
We saw The Barenaked Ladies, City and Colour, Begonia, Charoltte Cardin and omg John K. Samson and The Winter Wheat.
John and I held hands and sang along to Pamphleteer and it was sort of perfect.
At the Big Blue stage at night there was lots of crowdsurfing. Kids climbing up into the crowd and floating around on top of others and I thought
That shit is so dangerous.
And I swear as I thought that some young dude who was crowdsurfing but was busy trying to selfie fell down and right onto his back in the crowd. Which made me realize that I'm old now because my first thought wasn't "oh no! Back to dancing" it was
He could have broken his neck!
When I was younger I just wanted to party all the time. I didn't care if I hurt myself. I was just in it to win it and the hangovers and bruises and fuzzy memories be damned. But now that I'm getting older all that stupid stuff I used to do that seemed like no big deal at the time suddenly seems so much more serious.
Like man you only live once so you gotta take care of yourself.
Which is why buddy taking a selfie while crowdsurfing freaked me out so bad. It reminded me of what a reckless dummy I used to be.
So I went and hung out in the beer garden with my friends.
Which is what adults do at festivals, anyway.
TEDxWinnipeg photo essay
- by Alyson Shane
Yesterday was TEDxWinnipeg.
It was amazing. It was a whirlwind. It was so much more than my tired, fried-out brain can describe right now.
Instead, here's a photo essay:
Of course I woke up at 4:45AM
a full hour before my alarm was supposed to go off
as evidenced by my unimpressed post-shower face (was I even awake then?)
Much better.
Does that look like the face of a girl who got 5hrs sleep? I hope not.
Luckily I was able to pull myself together within a reasonable time frame.
Winnipeg looked gorgeous during my bike ride to the convention centre, of course.
I left a bit early so I could bike there slowly and collect my thoughts and feelings
and to try and get in a little "me time" before a whirlwind day.
I got there for 7:15AM and the space was largely empty except for the volunteers and organizers running around getting everything ready.
We took a bunch of group shots of all the speakers, organizers, tech peeps, and etc before the crowds started milling in, and then it was ready to go!
There were a bunch of fun activities for guests to do, including this fun board which I kept coming back to look at throughout the day.
I was busy as heck, but I managed to squeeze in a few selfies with some lovely people before the day got started.
TEDxWinnipeg people unite!
That's me with Ed, Mike, and Dr. Joel above, and Rana and I below:
This guy was an amazing support, of course.
Halfway through the morning Brent pulled me aside to let me know he had something for me:
It was a vintage AOL trial disc! Anyone remember these?
My talk touched on my high school years spent using the "Trial" button on our NetZero install because my parents refused to pay to get dial-up internet at home (don't even get me started on that gong show), so this little trinket was super thoughtful and hilarious. Thanks so much, Brent!
(Side note: I'm so thankful for high speed internet)
Then it was back into the swing of things.
I spent most of my day with two of my fellow presenters, Jon and Andrea, hanging out, watching the talks, rehearsing together, and trying not to be too nervous about everything.
I spent a lot of time in the green room backstage, but I made sure to make it into the crowd for Jon and Rana's talks. We'd spent so much time rehearsing together that I really needed to be in the crowd to experience their talks.
Spoiler alert: they both knocked it out of the park. I was in tears!
Before I knew it, it was my turn to present.
Photos via Heather Hinam, Doug McArthur, and The Winnipeg Chamber of Commerce.
What can I say about speaking?
It was intense. It was exhilarating. It was fun and stressful and amazing.
I was nervous leading up to my talk and was so worried that I was going to forget something, or flub my lines, or, well... anything!
But I'm pleased to say that I nailed it. I did better than I could have expected and I'll be sharing more thoughts on my experience in an upcoming post for the TEDxWinnipeg website (so stay tuned for that).
Then it was over!
I posed for a few quick snaps at the end of the day (this is my speaker buddy, Amanda, who was an incredible help and support throughout the entire process) before heading out.
I was utterly wiped after such an emotional, busy, and exhilarating day.
(But not too tired to go for pizza and drinks at my favourite local pizza joint Super Deluxe Pizza.)
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go and sleep for a week.
Want more info about my TEDxWinnipeg expeirence? Check out my blog post series on the TEDxWinnipeg website what it was like to be selected as a speaker, and preparing to present my talk.
Update: the TEDxWinnipeg live stream is still up! My talk is around 3:20:10 in the 'Afternoon Talks' section.
My TEDxWinnipeg Experience, part 3
- by Alyson Shane
It's almost here! TEDxWinnipeg is just a few short days away, and I'm putting the final touches on my talk and cramming in as much rehearsal time as possible.
Putting this talk together was fun and challenging, both on a personal and professional level. It was hard (and worthwhile) to find a way to tell my story and illustrate how the digital communities I found online helped me overcame a wealth of personal issues in my youth to grow into the person that I am today, and to illustrate how digital communities throughout the internet continue to have the same positive effects on people all over the globe.
I've also been lucky enough to be able to share my experience in detail as I work through my talk and prepare for the big day. You can find my first post here, and if you missed my second post, you can find it here.
Below is an excerpt from my third and final post in the series:
My talk is about digital communities who come together to support one another, and in the process of preparing to speak I’ve found a wider, extended family with the TEDx speakers and organizers in my daily life. The irony is not lost on me, I assure you.
I’m a writer, and writing is a solitary pursuit, so I’m used to sitting alone and plugging away at my keyboard in silence, and the prospect of working on a talk on my own didn’t faze me at first.
But working on a TEDx talk is hard work, and having someone I can message with questions, concerns and frustrations who is as embedded in their experience as I am has really helped me stay focused and on track, especially in moments when I doubt my message or my own abilities.
You can read the rest of the third instalment here.
It's been an incredibly humbling and eye-opening experience to work alongside the other presenters and watch as their talks come together, and I can't wait to see everyone on June 6th!
Modern Romance
- by Alyson Shane
The other night we were sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to watch.
I wanted to watch IT and John said "Stephen King really has a thing for coming-of-age flashback movies about kids who experience something scary together."
Which was true, but I hadn't really thought about it quite like that before.
We sat there, scrolling through our movies and talking about which ones we'd seen; which ones sucked, which ones were better than we'd expected; which ones made us cry.
I reminded John that I'd never seen Fargo, and we started to go through a list of movies that I've never seen (which is apparently appalling, but I'll post here to the best of my knowledge because I have no shame):
- Fargo
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit
- Adventures in Babysitting
- Bubba Ho-Tep
- The Man With the Screaming Brain
And more, I'm sure.
As we listed them off John turned to me and laughed and said "I'm going to write these down in my Notes app so I have them on-hand and can reference them at all times."
"Don't!" I laughed, mostly joking.
"Look" he said, showing me the title of the Note (which read "Movies Alyson hasn't seen yet")
"I put it right here at the top next to my To-Do list so I see it every time I open the app."
