just made a scene at work

January 25, 2013 - 10:01pm - by admin

kinda.

one of the good things about my work is that I get to do a lot of cool stuff like go on lunch excursions and help throw massive 500-person events and bring in entertainers and stuff.

today we brought in a group of improv performers who would 'act out' a story that an audience member told. it's pretty cool, actually.

except when it's my turn.

most people I know wouldn't believe me but public speaking freaks me out.

especially when I'm unprepared.

(mostly when I'm unprepared)

like when I'm sitting in a room with twenty people and they're all urging me to tell a "funny story" and I'm trying to politely decline and they're all going

alyson yr so funny. tell us a funny story alyson.

fuck.

so on the spot I ramble some lame and completely unfunny story because who can come up with a funny story on the spot?

not me I tell you.

and halfway through I realize 'shit this isn't funny. this isn't even a good story'

and I feel the shakes and redness and wobbly voice kick in

and of course the woman running the improv group is doting on me because she can tell that I'm getting anxious and telling me what a good job I'm doing and

she keeps focusing on me and putting her hand on my shoulder which is making it worse because her weird clammy hand is on my skin and

they're going through the motions improv-ing this horrible story which is just making it worse because it's not funny and I can feel myself getting redder and redder and I'm playing with my rings and my fingernails and anything I can pick at or twist

and of course I can't just leave. getting up and walking out would just make it worse so I tell myself

just sit through it. it'll be over soon.

and then omg the woman is kneeling in front of me telling me how it's okay and how I'm 'such a sport' for sharing and just

no. fuck off. you're making it worse. go dote on someone else

I want to yell. but I don't because it's work and it's not polite to yell at the improv lady so I don't

I sit there twisting my ring and my hair and feeling my face flush bright red

waiting for this horrible experience to end.

now I remember why I hate improv.

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life's all

January 24, 2013 - 8:15pm - by admin

"I'm gonna stress you out today for no good reason!"

and I'm like

I found this awesome gif while trolling on the Internet

drinking coffee

listening to Chromatics

warm as fck

while it's -40 outside

so you can suck it

bitch.

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you know I never liked modest mouse

January 23, 2013 - 5:57pm - by admin

dude I dated a few years ago was super into them.

he used to play their cds in his car all the time.

it sucked because and he would always do super-sweet things like wake up early to pick me up and take me to work even when it was his day off.

but on the mornings he'd play modest mouse it was just ruined.

I know, I know. I should be thankful that he even went out of his way in the first place. and I was.

don't get me wrong.

but their music is so intrusive and annoying and it was really hard to have a conversation

with modest mouse blasting over everything I said

especially first thing in the morning.

it's important to pick the right music to listen to when you start yr day

I'd tell him

which is why I always pick something super upbeat.

a nice 90's playlist or cbc radio 3. y'know.

but this guy

his alarm in the mornings was the intro to chop suey by system of a down

which was probably the worst thing to wake up to ever

then he'd rush out the door and listen to modest mouse in the mornings in his car

and then be mad all day.

I don't get people.

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watched blade runner

January 23, 2013 - 3:45pm - by admin

which is neither about blades nor running.

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almost nap time

January 22, 2013 - 7:18pm - by admin

which will be my third one today because I'm sick. still. I'm kind of cranky mostly because I can never get sick like a regular person and be like "omg I'm bedridden for two days" sick or even get the flu properly. I just get sinus headaches and migraines which means I'm lying on the couch waiting to get better while my mind jumps to a million different places. like today.

to make matters worse when I woke up this morning I realized that there was nothing to eat in the apartment because it had been to cold to go grocery shopping on the weekend. which meant that I had to bundle up and pop a bunch of tylenol and go to the corner store. which isn't really as bad as it sounds but when yr sick everything is a million times worse.

for instance right now I'm drinking green tea and watching SOTC under a blanket but all I can think of is

fuck I wish I wasn't feeling like ass right now

instead of

wow I'm kinda lucky I'm sick because I don't have to go out in -40 weather while everyone else does

because I'm an idiot. a sick, stuffy idiot who is going to go back to sleep.

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home sick watching eat pray love

January 21, 2013 - 10:20pm - by admin

don't ask why. I don't know why. I just have a throbbing headache and pressure behind my eyes and a scratch in my throat and Ileft work because I was useless there and came home and decided

I want to watch a clichéd movie with julia roberts in it and sip tea in my yoga pants

even though I don't really like julia roberts.

she's pretty but she's got a bit wide mouth and large teeth and she reminds me of a slightly calmer less neurotic jennifer aniston, who I can't stand. but she always seems to be in movies that I like such as erin brockovich, ocean's eleven, charlie wilson's war, pretty woman, and stepmom (yes). she looks smokin' for 45 though so I'll give her that.

it's an okay movie so far thought I guess, better than some of the other feel-good chick flicks out there though that might just be because it takes place in some exotic locations and the cinematography and close-up shots of food are pretty nice to look at.



she just turned down skinny dipping with a really hot australian with a six-pack in the ocean and while I guess that's supposed to show that she's growing up and 'discovering herself' that was a pretty dumb move if you ask me. though I guess she'll be making out with javier bardem soon enough.

oh he just crashed her pad and brought her some 'hangover cure' stuff which means he's definitely getting some julia roberts action later. nothing says "I'm a keeper" like hangover food, for example once early on in our relationship I got stupidly drunk at a show and the next morning tyrone went out into the cold winter to bring me greasy a&w breakfast food and orange juice which solidified what a gentleman he is in my mind.

so javier bardem is basically doing a bali-type version of that I guess.

now they're talking about durians and javier bardem is all "don't eat those they taste like dirty feet" which apparently is completely accurate. I see them all the time when we go to the asian grocery and I always pick them up and think "today is the day I eat the stinky fruit" but honestly I'm scared.

this is what wikipedia has to say about durian stink:

The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour that is strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as pleasantly fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and revolting. The smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust, and has been described variously as almonds, rotten onions, turpentine, raw sewage, and gym socks. The odour has led to the fruit's banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in southeast Asia.

so far that has been the only time I've felt like I 'connect' with the movie, because saying "I want to spend a year travelling in XYZ countries and have it comped by my work" is just stating the obvious. otherwise it's a lot of self-indulgence that is nice to think about and imagine but feels kind of far away, which is maybe why people like the book/movie so much. it's fun to imagine.

except now the movie is over and she and javier bardem sailed off into the sunset which just

ruined it all.

whatever mild enjoyment or entertainment I may have been getting has been ruined by the fact that julia roberts just travelled all across the world and did all of this 'self-discovery' only to have a freak-out fight on a beach and then make up and sail off into the sunset. how clichéd. for real.

it's spoiled my mild enjoyment of the film so much that for a second I considered scrapping this post and denying that I even watched it in the first place.

but then I couldn't tell you how it's mediocre and best and tries too hard to be one of those movies you watch with red wine with your best girlfriends after a breakup to make yourself feel better.

though it's drastically better than 'he's just not that into you', so I guess that's a plus.

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Hip Hop Sunday #61 Kendrick Lamar - Swimming Pools (Drank)

January 20, 2013 - 4:49pm - by admin

there are only a few things that are appropriate to do in this kind of cold

sleep in

play video games

or board games

drink beer

eat snacks

and

spend time with lovely people

(though that's always a good choice)

yesterday we were able to do all of those things.

so, a successful weekend, I think.

happy hip hop sunday.

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too cold to blog

January 19, 2013 - 7:21pm - by admin

better luck tomorrow, I'm off to hide under blankets and play Donkey Kong Country 2

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George Carlin always knows just what to say

January 18, 2013 - 11:03pm - by admin

to express exactly how I feel

because, yeah, fuck lance armstrong

I'm sick of hearing about him.

anyway

I really admired george. still do, even though he's gone

that guy made a living trolling the world, and was good at it.

which is a rare thing, let me tell you.

as a recovering troll (it's true)

nothing gets under my skin more than internet trolls

because they're never arguing valid, well-articulated points

unlike a good real-life troll. that's a skill.

as @Gramiq put it:



which is why george carlin was such a genius.

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I can't write today

January 18, 2013 - 2:29am - by admin

which is bullshit because I have a ton of unimportant things to talk about

like how I had coffee with one of the former mayors of my city (the only female one, look it up)
and she said that she thought I would really go far
that she thought my project was "really important work"
told me in an email after we parted ways that
she feels proud of me even though she doesn't really know me at all

which was really nice.

we finally watched solaris so I can stop bringing it up
protip
watch it all in one go or at max two
because by the third try everything's all disjointed and
probably not as creepy as it would have been
if you'd just stayed awake the whole time
dummy.

we're making a snack which is a pita pizza
it's got sundried tomatoes and cheese on it
and nothing else
because it's fucking cold outside and there is
zero
chance in hell that I'm bundling up to go to the store

or that I'm going to make tyrone do it
(sometimes I can be nice)

my friend @cenquist and a few others
(@adriantrimble @benquist @brennanlumsdon to name a few)
made a short film during the summer called
The Pint of Justice
in which yr hero and tyrone make cameo appearances
(and you can watch at the end of this post)
where upon watching
I learned that
watching myself
touching adrian's chin makes me feel uncomfortable.

any other day I could have probably pulled all of these into
at least
a somewhat entertaining post
(or several!)
but not today

it's just one of those nowriting days

which are basically worse than anything when yr a writer

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