sometimes all it takes is a youtube video

January 30, 2013 - 12:36am - by admin

to make you remember that you're probably not as smrt as you think you are.

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sometimes things are best said

January 16, 2013 - 2:58am - by admin

in every single language

converted back to english.

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This is the first thing that I saw on the Internet this morning

January 11, 2013 - 3:26pm - by admin

(via Reddit, o'course)
"My whole family is wondering why this binder with two squids inside was left on my my porch" 

I think it means it's going to be a good day

blizzard be damned!

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people are cray

January 9, 2013 - 3:59pm - by admin

case in point, the alex jones aka the crazy person who was on CNN a few days ago yelling at Piers Morgan and then posted an even crazier video afterwards about how he thought he was being followed and going to be murdered by crackheads.

or something like that, I only read the huffpo article in brief because I can't handle listen to peeps who talk say stuff like that. people who believe that chemtrails are bad and that there's a secret gov't conspiracy for everything just blow my mind.

like yeah, the gov't is probably orchestrating a lot of stuff behind yr back, but it's the gov't and they've been doing that since the time when they were first established. thing is, the stuff they're orchestrating probably isn't the stuff you're raving about on your youtube channel or on yr radio show which is apparently really popular?

which just goes to show that people will listen to anything as long as it's radical and scary.

I keep waiting for this guy to pop up and be all

omg guys jk I don't actually believe all that ridiculous stuff

which will be the greatest prank in recent history.

but somehow I doubt that'll happen.

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read a weird short story yesterday

November 20, 2012 - 10:32pm - by admin

it was by margaret atwood and it's in her book called 'wilderness tips' which I got for christmas last year and am only reading now because I'm busy, dammit. the story is called 'hairball' and it's gross and weird and I can't get it out of my head.

in the story the main character gets a huge ovarian cyst removed and it's got tons of red hair on it and little bones inside and some teeth poking out. it made me spend ten minutes google image searching cysts but never mind that. in the story she decides to keep it in a jar of formaldehyde on her mantle and through a series of events during the story she decides to send it to the wife of the guy she's been banging. she buys expensive chocolates and rolls the cyst in cocoa powder and wraps it up and mails it to the woman during a dinner party so she'll open it in front of her guests.

now I can't get the story or the image of a huge, hairy cyst out of my head. I've got a really morbid fascination with stuff like cysts and internal organs and stuff like that and it weirds me out that things can just decide to start growing inside of you for no good reason. and that they might have hair.



I think it's the hair that gets me. some gross ball of flesh or cartilage I can handle, but it's like when someone has a mole on their neck or their face and these huge hairs are protruding out of it and you're just like

pluck yr goddamn mole hair

and it's all you can stare at. that's how I was with these pictures on google image search of cysts being removed or in petrie dishes or on the side of someone's face. they all have hair on them.

when I was a kid I had a ganglion cyst on my right wrist and it used to bother me because even though it didn't have anything else growing out of it I was convinced people noticed it. I'd read somewhere that they were called "bible bumps" because you could smoosh out a ganglion cyst by slamming it with a huge book and back in the day the biggest book in a household was a bible.

turns out hitting yourself with any force isn't so easy, so I wound up pressing down using an old nancy drew hardcover book and I actually felt the ganglion cyst start to dissipate under my skin which was 100% hands-down the weirdest feeling ever. it was like dull electricity or sparkles or something silver-feeling dissipating inside of me.

recently someone I know got a cyst removed from their face, and in the short story I was reading the chick saved her cyst and I wonder if that's a thing. if you can save your cysts for keeps?

I don't think I could. I think if I brought my cyst home in a jar, especially if it had hair on it, I'd lose my mind staring at it trying to comprehend how it could grow inside me like that. so I guess it's a good thing I just smooshed my ganglion cyst when I was younger or I'd really have a complex.

this is by far the grossest thing I've written in a while.

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Today I watched some My Little Pony

March 21, 2012 - 7:28pm - by admin

because after attempting to watch some Jersey Shore last week I thought that maybe I should try my hand at understanding another 'trend' that at a glance I assume is both completely stupid and a total waste of my time and here is what I learned:

I don't get this crap, either

apparently you can't watch My Little Pony on the hasbro website which makes my eyes want to bleed, so I had to find an episode online to watch and this is what happened:

some still images and a voice-over told me about two unicorn sisters who controlled the light and the day, but the night unicorn got upset that the ponies slept during her time so she decided it would always be night and the other (good?) unicorn harnessed some jewels and trapped her in the moon. which apparently was some story being read by some pony sitting on a hill reading a book. then the intro started which was a song about magic and friends and other stuff, I have no idea, and then the pony reading a book was walking on the road and it has some really stupid My Little Pony type name and some other ponies invited her to the party some other pony with a stupid name was having in a courtyard.

then I stopped because, my god, it's terrible.



I remember the original My Little Pony show being really lame and terrible as far as children's shows go and the closest I really got to being "into" it was someone gave me a pony as a gift with a saddle that opened up so you could store stuff in her back. but it was okay that the show sucked and the toys were junk because it was a children's show that no adult in their right mind could actually find cute or cool

and I think that's my issue with this 'new' My Little Pony.

because I'm seeing My Little Pony stuff everywhere. people are posting pictures of these weird anime versions of horses all over facebook, pinterest, on twitter and don't even get me started on the My Little Pony cesspool that is tumblr and I get it if it were a bunch of tweens that were posting about this kind of stuff, but actual adults who I respect are doing it and I simply don't understand it.

My Little Pony isn't cute or cool or awesome or whatever, it's a really terrible remake of a terrible kids show that happens to look like anime now and for Christ's sake it's called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. that doesn't even make sense! it's these arbitrary cutsey buzzwords linked together to make you think something is zomg cute when it's just useless fluff.

and you know what
it's not Hello Kitty
it's not Keropi
it's not Chococat
it's not Batz-maru
it's not any of the list of Sanrio characters who it is socially acceptable for adults to think is cute
(and that's still depending on who you ask)
because people my age grew up with those
it's different when you grow up with a show and you're naturally inclined to like it due to nostalgia but as far as I can tell there is nothing beyond the "omg these ponies have big anime eyes" that is actually in any way appealing and
no
that doesn't make it acceptable for grown men (who I know!) to be calling themselves
"bronies"
really, guys? really?

see, adults watching Jersey Shore I can kind of understand. it's escapism. it's just people wanting to forget their dramas and shitty lives and watching other people's dramas and shitty lives and even though I don't agree that it's valuable to society in any way I can at least rationalize why it's so huge. plus at least on Jersey Shore the characters actually have sex with actual people unlike the disturbing pony-on-pony pr0n people post on tumblr.

I just can't rationalize the pony thing.

it's fluff. it's stupid, useless, annoying, fluff and there's actually less reason for us to be excited about animated ponies than Jersey Shore because at least the useless annoying characters on Jersey Shore are at least (to some extent) actual, physical people. these are just ugly, misshaped, fake-anime horses.

basically this is how I felt watching it:



I'm done.

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Today I watched some Jersey Shore

March 16, 2012 - 2:35am - by admin

and don't ask me why because I don't know. maybe it's seeing their stupid faces all over The Internet or information about them getting drunk and fighting or getting arrested for being drunk and fighting or being fat or calling someone fat or whatever. either way I watched a total of less than five minutes and I think this goes without saying

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There's something to be said for how someone treats strangers

March 15, 2012 - 9:40pm - by admin

take two weeks ago for example when I applied for a job and got the rudest, most condescending woman ever on the phone who made me feel bad for having a class that interfered with when she wanted to schedule my interview.

I scheduled one, but it was over a week from then (yesterday) and she made it pretty clear that because I wasn't going to take the time from my class schedule to go down there that one of the "many other applicants" would be more than happy to take the job.

needless to say I didn't go.

this shouldn't be a big deal. lots of people skip interviews for lots of reasons and I've also been on the interviewing side and though it's a hassle you just shrug your shoulders think "too bad" and move on with your life.

not this woman.

she felt it was necessary to send me this:

You appear to have missed your scheduled 8 am interview. It would have been appreciated if you had informed of us if you had decided not to come. We could have slotted another candidate that was actually interested in coming, and not wasted our time.

so not only did she feel it was okay to be rude to me over the phone, but she also thought it was necessary to send me an email chewing me out for not showing up for an interview for a job that she basically told me I wasn't going to get.

needless to say I sent her a very polite email explaining that I didn't show up because she was a bitch (not actual language used) and BCC'd the customer service department while I was at it. which I will post here if you kids should so desire.

it blows me away that people like this exist. honestly. I don't even know what to say.

I'm just going to end this post with a picture of cute puppies.

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I promise this is the last time I'll bring this up

February 13, 2012 - 7:20pm - by admin

Saturday after wine and singing along for the Johnny Broadway (ongoing) music vid shoot we were at Pop Soda's for Litta's birthday where we crashed a lesbian dance party (literally) and I was standing in the beer line with Johnny and this girl came up to me and was like

I need to tell you how beautiful you are. can I just... touch you? your hand or something?

and I don't know what level of wasted she was (probably very) but I know which level I was so I let her pet my hand like I was The Queen or something because, well, what else was I supposed to do?

so needless to say my ego exploded all over that joint

but it's not nice to brag which is clearly what I am doing (you would too) so this is officially the last time I am bringing up the story about The Girl Who Thought I Was So Beautiful She Wanted to Pet My Hand

so let's move on and watch this trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

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TIL that Pedobear made the news

February 9, 2012 - 4:27pm - by admin

IRL trolling

lol

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