got hit on in Value Village the other day

April 6, 2013 - 7:21pm - by admin

dear friend John is having a party tonight which involved wearing pyjamas and playing in blanket forts and eating sleepover food. oh and drinking, of course, because that makes it acceptable for adults to do these kinds of ridiculous things.

which meant on thursday we went to Value Village with Kat & John and scoped out random clothes and also more blankets with which to make the aforementioned amazing fort.

at one point I went over to scope the book section as I usually do. I think all but one of my Margaret Atwood books have come from VV and a lot of other books in my library, too, so I always go over to scope out which books people don't want to read anymore.

so I round the corner walking with the kind of determination that you only get while in a store filled with people slowly walking with huge shopping carts and almost walk smack into this dude

oops

I apologize and step around him and start examining the 'literature' section because obviously that's what I read, right?

and I'm standing there surveying the books and you know that feeling you get when you know someone is looking at you? I'm getting that hardcore so I turn and look at the dude in the aisle with me with an espression I hope is conveying the following sentiment:

yeeeeeeeeeeeeees?

one eyebrow cocked and everything and sure enough he's looking at me and looks away and I look away because not it's extra-weird and he goes

you look really nice this evening

and runs out of the aisle.

which made it extra awkward when later on while looking through obnoxious suit combo outfits he came around the corner and we made eye contact and he ducked behind a rack of jeans to avoid me. awesome.

but Tyrone is playing Skyward Sword and we're both tearing up, so I'd better go before the waterworks turn on.

unrelated to my earlier story but this game is so sweet.

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the story of your red right ankle

March 22, 2013 - 5:37pm - by admin

is a line of a song by the decemberists that I like a lot, even though it makes me sad.

the first time I heard the decemberists was when I was living in hamilton and I had no idea who I was.

which sounds silly but it's true. I didn't know then and I knew it but I wasn't ready to admit it.

such is life, and youth.

it was the day after my birthday and it was cold and grey and shitty outside

I was waiting for my boyfriend who I was living in hamilton with and

I think

didn't really know who he was, either.

how could we, after all.

he had gone to a restaurant attached to a mall to go get his sweater which he had left there the night before

when we had gone out for dinner and drinks with friends for my birthday.

I don't remember what I ate but I know it was mediocre

it was one of those types of restaurants. not a montana's or a moxie's or an earl's.

but one of those places that feigns being a decent restaurant but isn't. the same kind.

I did shots of sambuca which were awful and I hate cinnamon but I hated my life more

at least, I realize in retrospect

and ate my mediocre dinner and smiled and was uncomfortably aware of the hole in my heart

I was trying to fill with booze and shitty food

and missed my home, even though I'd spent years trying to leave.

so the next day after my boyfriend forgot his sweater in the restaurant

when I found myself sitting alone in his car

hungover and miserable

listening to the radio do one of those countdown shows when red right ankle came on

I cried in hamilton

not for the first time.

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just made myself start choking

February 21, 2013 - 11:14pm - by admin

which sucked.

reached over for my glass of water which it turns out wasn't full at all anymore. but you know when there's nothing left in your glass and you're like

no I can make this work. there's a thirst quenching drop in there dammit.

so you tilt the glass back real far, like your head is facing the ceiling far and this one piddly little drop slooooowly slides down to your mouth and you're like

ome yes my thirst is quenched by that impossible little drop!

well this time I stupidly inhaled while it was rolling down my throat which means I started choking on a single drop like an idiot

so I'm rolling around in my computer chair hacking and coughing and cartwheeling with my arms and thinking

holy hell I'm going to die from choking on this single drop and tyrone is going to come home and find me dead and it's going to ruin our night out

because when you're freaked out you think stupid things.

anyway obviously I didn't choke to death which is good. can you imagine my family telling people that?

"alyson died in a freak water droplet accident"

bet you're glad I spared you that humiliation eh mom and dad?

you're welcome!

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your blog sucks

February 12, 2013 - 4:43pm - by admin

buddy told me the other day over coffee.

you don't write about 'the issues' he said

you don't elaborate on yr political opinions

you don't slam anyone or call people out

you don't badmouth bitches and start blog wars

you don't spill yr guts when you and tyrone have a fight

you don't go on about how you love him to the moon & back

you don't talk about yr mom, yr work, or yr sex life.

your blog sucks.

and I looked at him and said

yeah maybe that's true

but you still read it every day.

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had an interesting conversation

February 11, 2013 - 10:43pm - by admin

while fixing the printer today.

part of my job is performing some basic IT services even though I'm not terribly good at it. I mean yes I can do entry-level, first year of college type maintenance but anything that requires more than the knowledge I acquired while constantly de-virusing my parents computer I make my boss call a technician whose job it actually is to do that sort of stuff.

anyway today apparently there was a problem with the printer. except there wasn't.

but that's not the point in this story.

the point is the person trying to do the printing, I think, is a bit on the crazy side. I've come to this conclusion because she had me check and double-check the stuff she was printing and it was these letters to someone at the CBC about how the Commies are coming into her house at night and stealing her thoughts. her ideas.

she said that they were coming in and putting straws to her ears and sucking them out and she knew because she could hear them talking in her dreams. their voices were magnified into the straw and into her ear, she said.

I didn't ask any questions. just handed her the letters and went back to my regular job. I was actually kinda convincing myself that maybe she was writing some sort of fiction novel, or something like that. it was just so weird.



except just now she came down and wanted to use the photocopier and took out a book with the word 'TRANSFORMATION' on the cover and started making photocopies of the front and back cover. like, six or seven copies each.

since non-office personnel have to pay for photocopies 'round here I casually asked her what she was photocopying and she looked at me over her shoulder and said

I need to mail these to some people

in a voice that I swear would give alfred hitchcock goosebumps.

I think I was wrong about the fiction book-writing. I think she thinks it's for real.

I wonder what that book is about. and who is she sending all those copies to?

and, mostly, I'm kinda sad. because her made-up life is probably way more interesting than mine.

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bonded with a stranger today

September 8, 2012 - 4:35am - by admin

not like that omg get yr mind out of the gutter.

I was at starbucks in polo park waiting for my tall skinny vanilla latte in the teeny-tiny waiting space they give you after you've ordred which is in-between the rope they use to corral you into the line, and a door so people can exit and enter the starbucks

which is bad enough as it is

but after I got my tall skinny vanilla latte that said 'Tyrone' on it (because he ordered it for me, the sweet thing) I turned to put some milk in it and grab a lid and one of those nice sleeves you put on yr cup so you don't spill tall skinny vanilla latte all over yr fingers

and there was this chick at the milk/sugar/lids bar



standing there

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one of my profs has a beef with crows

January 12, 2012 - 5:08pm - by admin

he said this during a lecture once: let's talk seriously for a second about birth control for crows and yes it's weird and he's weird which is why his class is great, but he was talking about how crows are supersmart and wily and it worries him.

ever hear about those crows that use cars to crack nuts?

wtf is up with that?

there are lots of crows that hang around in my neighbourhood and some of them are downright intrusive. they'll hang around in front of our windows (we're on the 3rd floor) and yell at us or come right up to you while you're standing on the front stoop and give you mean crow cut-eye like they own the place.

personally they make me nervous, birds that are that smart are bound to figure it all out eventually.

I mean c'mon this crow figured out how to go tubing

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dude on a bike asked me for money today

September 14, 2011 - 10:33pm - by admin

I was sitting at the bus stop going to class and he rode by me and asked as he rode past "do you have any change??"

and I realized that I've been in a lot of weird situations that involved someone asking me for money and on the bus on the way to class I made a list of the weird ways in which I've been asked to give someone change and here they are

- by two guys who tried to get me to drink out of the bottle of straight whiskey they were sharing which I declined to do

- by a woman in a clown suit (I didn't ask)

- by a woman who was so drunk she fell head-first over the waist-high railing of the patio I was sitting on (she was okay)

- through the window at a coffee shop

- by a little kid who yelled "can I have a dollar?" at Tyrone and I as we rode past on our bikes

- on the bus and then he sat next to me for the entire 20-minute bus ride asking for change from everyone around me

- in the waiting room of a walk-in clinic once when I was sick

in other news I'm dressed like a big hipster today and this is what I look like

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What's in a name?

May 25, 2011 - 6:53pm - by admin

Zach Bussey did a post a few days ago about discovering a dude in the Twitterverse who has the exact same name as him (weird!) and with that in mind it feels like a good time to share one of my darkest, most embarrassing secrets with you guys.

Because isn't that what The Internet is for, really?

(besides pr0n and 4chan, of course)

Let me preface:

one day while tuned in to our local 'rock' (read: mostly Metallica) station Power '97 when the DJ said something that made me spend the next minute or so trying to figure out who the heck had said my name.

Turns out the DJ hadn't said my name, but instead was talking about these guys:Yeeeeeeeeeah.

To demonstrate.

Say the following things out loud, one after the other:

ALYSON SHANE

ALICE IN CHAINS

Okay, stop laughing. I know they sound exactly the same.

So while Mr. Bussey over there might have a doppelganger out there in the big, wide Twitterverse, every time someone says my full name this is what I think of:



And while I was pretty indifferent towards The Band That Shall Not Be Named before this, now I have to hate them on principle. Because not only do we have the exact same-sounding name, but a Wikipedia search has informed me that they were formed the same year that I was born.

Really guys? C'mon!

But maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way?

Maybe I should embrace my grunge-metal fate and start wearing leather jackets and shades everywhere.

Maybe I should grow my hair out all frizzy-gross and learn to play the electric guitar?

Maybe I should join the band that sort of shares my name?!



I mean, come on, how badass would this be?

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