Tagged: writing
What Doesn't Seem Like Work?
- by Alyson Shane
While out for coffee I read a great article by one of my favourite writers, Paul Graham, called "What Doesn't Seem Like Work?"
In it he talks about how his father knew at 12 what he wanted to be which he admits is unusual and is something that I can't relate to at all because at 12 I don't think I was thinking much farther than the test at the end of the week or when the next Zelda title was coming out.
Anyway, Paul Graham's dad wanted to do something involving maths (he is a mathematician) and he said that he used to consider the quizzes at the end of textbook chapters as rewards, and that the text was just advice on how to solve them.
Which is just... crazy. That sounds like the exact opposite of anything I want to do, ever.
Which is exactly the point.
"The stranger your tastes seem to other people, the stronger evidence they probably are of what you should do."
Most people that I talk to dislike writing. Or they tolerate it as something that they have to do, maybe for work or a project, but by and large most people that I know don't want to spend hours writing posts, monologues, rants, poems etc and honing their "voice" as a writer.
I've always been a passionate reader and writer but it took me a long time to figure out that writing should be a big part of how I make my living, largely because I grew up thinking that the only options for a writer were publish a book or become a journalist, but that's a post for another time.
I love writing and would happily do it all day. It's what I live and breathe, even though to a lot of people it seems like a boring, uninteresting task.
Which is what sets me apart from other people, and what makes me so good at it.
But it's taken me a long time to figure that out.
What's something that you love to do that other people hate doing? Have you made it a part of your professional life?
2014
- by Alyson Shane
It's 2015.
I should probably write something profound. That's what people do in the New Year, right?
Here's my best shot at it. Fuelled by rum and gin and crepes:
2014 was the year I left my safe-yet-unhealthy 4+ year relationship.
It destroyed me. It still destroys me.
Last night I deleted the only video of him that I still had on my phone. I hadn't watched it in months, and seeing that face, hearing that voice tore me apart on the inside. I took it on the last "good weekend" we had before things started to really unravel and seeing and hearing, seeing that face, that voice using our silly couple-language, tore me apart.
But it was time to let go.
It was time to let go of my idea of that person. It was time to let go of the idea of the man that I was with, the idea of the man that I wanted him to be.
But that's how I want to remember him. I don't want to remember him as the person that he is, now.
The person who couldn't handle the breakup; the person who made people choose between he and I; the person who slandered me to anyone who would listen; the person who harassed me for months.
I saw an awful, dirty side of him that I wish I could forget.
Breaking up is a dirty business and I don't recommend it to anyone.
But sometimes it has to be done.
Last night I decided to start letting go of the idea of the person that I once loved. It was tragic and awful and I could only do it with an empty glass in my hand because sometimes we need that push to do what's right.
It was right and it was hard and it was terrible.
2014 was the year I got fired from my first out-of-university job.
I was hired after a summer of floundering around trying to find work and I loved it. It was amazing, interesting, exciting, and stressful as hell. I used to have dreams about work. I dreamt about writing reports, pricing out items, walking around the giant building that they rent in The Exchange District.
But I wasn't trained properly.
I had a manager who was largely absent. I was the 4th person to hold that position in a year and a half, which speaks volumes.
When I was let go, it was without any notice and without any feedback.
It devastated me. I didn't know what to do with myself.
But I moved on.
I found promise in a new job and, more importantly, in freelance work that has taught me more than being a "go-fer" at a larger company could ever have.
I started to look at my career path as something that I can shape to what I want, and not just climbing a corporate ladder somewhere.
It was liberating. It was terrifying. It was... amazing.
2014 was the year when I stopped partying so damn much.
Weekends wasted, talking about nothing of importance with people who forgot my words because they were equally as out of it and equally as uninvested in our conversation.
I guess everyone goes through a phase where they party, but I'm glad to be out of mine.
At least of the two-day-extravaganza variety.
Whew.
2014 was the year I fell in love, again.
But not that shitty half-assed love.
The kind of love that consumes you and eats you up and spits you out.
The kind where you wake up and think "holy shit I get to wake up next to and hold and talk to and fuck this person right here"
And you do. And every day is amazing. Even the shitty, awful, retched ones where you can't agree and cast dark glances over the top of yr keyboard. even those days.
I've never had that before.
I've never been consumed by something this way and I'm at the point where I'm honestly scared to talk about these things online, even, because aren't you not supposed to? Aren't writers only supposed to talk about heartbreak and meaningless sex and failed love?
Maybe, but then that doesn't make me much of a writer, does it?
Which brings me to my next point:
2014 was the year I wrote.
I scribble ideas everywhere.
I write poems, haikus, letters, blog posts, everything.
The words fall out of me and I can't stop them. I've never felt so overwhelmed with words and thoughts and messy, outrageous ideas.
This is the year that I've accepted myself as a writer. I used to be scared of my words. Of their permanence, that they might expose something of myself that I might one day want to forget.
But I'm not afraid of it anymore. It sounds crazy, but it's true.
Words define us. They make us who we are and, if we let them, expose the deepest depths of our souls.
I don't want to run from that anymore.
I'm not scared of who I am.
So that's my 2014.
I could go into more detail. I gardened, I attended festivals, I met new people, formed new friendships, and learned so much.
But these are the few points that I think really matter.
To me, and maybe to you.
Here's to last year: the totally transformative 2014.
Here's to next year: may be it beautiful, bombastic, and may it move you and teach you things about yourself that you never knew.
xo
yr girl Shaner
Is Bitchiness the Key to Success?
- by Alyson Shane
I've been listening to an audiobook of Amy Poehler's new book Yes, Please on my phone over the past little while.
Most of what I know of her is of her character on Parks and Recreation and at first I had trouble reconciling Lesley Knope's ridiculously-cheerful character with Poehler's aggressive statements and observations about success, such as "sometimes I worry that not enough people hate me".
Throughout her book, she paints a clear picture that she got to where she is by busting her ass and not taking shit from people.
What struck me about this is that the scenes she uses to illustrate these points - such as screaming at some jerk on an airplane who was harassing her - are commonly identified as being "bitchy behaviours." Even though she spends all of her time working to promote herself and further her career, she still has to deal with people who refer to her as A Bitch.
As a businessperson I totally identify with this - I haven't accomplished what I have by sitting back and waiting for it to come to me. I've blogged for years, maintain an active online presence, jump at the option to speak publicly and share my knowledge, and make a living hustling to get my name out there. Sure, it's paying off, but it's taken time and dedication and I've definitely been called names once or twice during that time -largely when I've stood up for myself.
So as I've been listening to the audio book I've found myself wondering "obviously a no-BS attitude is the key to being successful, but does that actually classify as 'bitchy behaviour'?"
I don't think so, and here's why:
Being "a bitch" actually doesn't mean refusing to take shit from people and being ambitious as hell, it means being mean and deliberately nasty, which we should all strive not to do regardless of our career aspirations.
However, unfortunately women are often classified as being "bitches" when they exhibit ambitious behaviour or stand up for themselves because of larger (unfortunately in many cases still extremely pervasive) gender inequality issues that exist within our society.
Too often, our society uses negative language to discredit successful women and to downplay their efforts. By calling an assertive woman a bitch, we're stripping her of any power that she might have because it implies that the only reason that she got to where she is in her life was through underhanded and nasty tactics. She doesn't actually deserve your respect, attention, or admiration because she's just a bitchy woman, nothing special.
I've seen men do this far too often, and -perhaps more worrying- I've seen women do it as well. Women are taught to be jealous of other women's successes, and name-calling is one tactic that we employ to justify our feelings of jealousy or insecurity.
So how can we be successful without being "bitches"?
I think the secret is to start trying to reclassifying what is actually "bitchy" (nastiness, underhanded behaviour, etc) and what is just plain old ambition and drive, and to start focusing more on the ways in which women work together to be successful.
Women need to say nice things about other women.
A great local example is the Women's Enterprise Centre of Manitoba. There are heaps of super-talented ladies involved with helping one another working there, and nobody is going around saying things like "this totally successful bitch taught a class the other day."
Instead, they say things like "I met this amazing woman the other day. She was driven and focused and really knew what she was talking about. She doesn't take shit from anyone!"
These are the kinds of stories that we should be telling about women in business, and when women like Amy Poehler publish memoirs like Yes, Please, which encourage women to stand up for themselves and not be doormats who wait for their careers to be handed to them, we should applaud her efforts, not call her a "bitch" and downplay her drive.
I know this isn't a very good song
- by admin
by a band that isn't all that great, really.
But sometimes I get it in my head and can't get it out no matter how hard I shake it or listen to Royal Canoe.
The first time I really listened to it
I mean really listened
was while walking down the street in Hamilton when I lived there.
It was spring but still cold and I was walking around puddles and I was sad because I missed Winnipeg and everyone in it, even though I would have never admitted it at the time -to myself or to anyone.
I walked around and was thinking about my boyfriend and my life and how lonely I was even though I'd left on what was supposed to be this grand, life-changing adventure
it didn't really change me at all
at least, not until after it was over, anyway.
This song was on a playlist that my then-boyfriend had put together for me and as I walked through the weird, kinda-scary tunnel under the train track hill to pick up my sushi and sashimi Saturday night dinner for one I realized
you hold me down.
Which is never a good feeling
because things got complicated after that.
#TBT Sitting on a campus bench: a poem
- by admin
Wrote this while on campus back in April of 2013 which feels like a lifetime ago. It's funny how everything changes except the amount of female UW students wearing Lululemon.
uncomfortable benches
in the lobby of Centennial Hall
people crammed together
on their smart phones
individual worlds.
heavy escalator traffic
going up
going down
am I late for class?
most girls wear their hair up
lululemon head bands
lululemon everything
nice bums.
oh hello
three piece suit guy
where did you come from
where are you going?
I’d follow you but
my legs hurt from my run
damn.
Fallout
- by admin
Nobody ever tells you about
the collateral damage of a nuclear relationship
the people caught in the fallout
contaminated by our black rain.
How did we not know
the levels of toxicity in the air
burning us up from the inside-out?
As we walked hand in hand, oblivious
we left our Geiger counters at home.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.
People we once knew now exist only
as shadow versions of themselves
seared into our brittle bones
their outlines are visible
but we can’t see their insides
their burned-out pinks and reds.
They say that the hurt will decay exponentially
we’ll lose it like deciduous teeth
while we wait out our half-life in shelters
secretly doubting the halving thickness.
In the aftermath
we measure our heartbreak in roentgens
wandering our personal wastelands
toxic ash in our mouths
hearts in decay.
Winnipeg vs Wildlife?
- by admin
It's no secret that I love this city. I go on at length about our potential, our charm, and the quality of the people who call Winnipeg "home." I truly believe that we are becoming a forward-thinking city filled with thoughtful, considerate, wonderful people.However, there are instances which make me seriously doubt my optimistic view of my hometown.
I'm referring to an organization called the "Urban Goose Working Group" (mentioned on CJOB yesterday) who have been seeking out and destroying the eggs of Canada Geese in the Kenaston area for at least the past couple of years. Their actions are apparently spurred by the "safety issue" caused by the geese and their goslings in the area.
I'd like to take a moment to lay out what is actually happening here, in case you missed it:
People are actively going out of their way to find and destroy Canada Goose eggs.
What's even worse is that this is an effort coordinated and supported by not only the City of Winnipeg, but the Province of Manitoba as well as the Government of Canada. So all levels of government not only condone, but actually encourage this utterly barbaric practice.
It is shameful and disgusting, and I am appalled that my local government feels that this is an appropriate step to take.
There are multiple options which could serve as much more humane alternatives: we could install caution signs to notify motorists that this is a high traffic area for geese, put up snow fencing to deter the geese, we could slow the fuck down as we barrel along in our SUVs to go to the outlet mall, we could do as many countries in Europe have done and build wildlife bridges over highways to facilitate exactly the sort of issues that we're running into, or we could stop the insanity that is urban sprawl and stop building on the nesting grounds that these birds have been using for countless generations.
Because that's the thing: citizens are complaining about the inconvenience that the geese are causing them, though they chose to move to a newly-developed (and in many cases, totally unnecessary) suburban wasteland and now they have to interact and deal with (gasp! Horror!) wildlife that has been there long before our shovels broke the soil.
Here in Winnipeg we're trying to paint ourselves as a forward-thinking city, and while I know for a fact that there are many people in Winnipeg who truly are, we can't make a statement like that while continuing to completely disregard our wildlife simply for the sake of our own creature comforts.
It speaks volumes about the rampant levels of self-entitlement in our society, and it's time that the City of Winnipeg and our Provincial and Federal governments started acting a like the "responsible governments" that they claim to be.
With this in mind, I urge you to write to your City Councillor, your MLA, and your MP and ask them to stop supporting this awful practice.
I haven't been honest so here's what's up
- by admin
for the past while
days, weeks, months, maybe
I haven't been myself.
I've been a shadow of my former self due to heartache and confusion and betrayal and all of that good shit that makes you
lie awake in the dark at night
feel heartsick all day every day
write secret poems and flowery letters that you burn immediately
and pore over
every word
text
syllable
and, inevitably
each silence
until you drive yourself mad with it.
We become so wrapped up in the versions of ourselves that we feel that we need to be
(or remain)
that we lose sight of what can, might, maybe make us happy
or, in some cases (like mine)
we try to avoid and run away from our problems and the difficult decisions that need to be made
until we start hurting other people.
which is basically the opposite of what you ever
ever
wanted to do.
And for the past while I've felt almost utterly unable to create anything of value.
Just broken words, broken promises, broken hearts.
Until today.
Maybe it's the text message conversation that I had
or that walk in the rain
crying sitting in the middle of all of my posessions
or the crepes with way too much butter
listening to The Smiths
or just sitting here and writing in a more open and freeing way than I've done in months
I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.
Sloan was supposed to save rock music
- by admin
or so I've been told by those much wiser than myself.
'Underwhelmed' came out when I was embarrassingly young -too young to be listening to music as cool as Sloan- but it was still kicking around in the form of my friend's cd of Smeared
(a word that I didn't yet associate with gross sexual stuff, but never mind)
when I was older to start appreciating the finer things in life.
We listened to Smeared to nonstop on her boom box while sitting on her concrete front step in front of her house, which was across the street from mine.
She was a few years older than I was and spent most of our time together explaining to my juvenile self just exactly why Sloan kicked so much ass
(a word I didn't dare say anywhere but on that front step)
why Jeff Martin of The Tea Party was so sexy
(hair, voice, perfect pitch)
why the Our Lady Peace album Naveed was clearly better than Clumsy
(I don't remember this, just that their videos freaked me out)
or why Treble Charger's "Red" gets more depressing the more you listen to it
(see what I mean?)
in addition to other life lessons that, sadly, have escaped me as the years have passed.
But the important ones stuck with me, clearly.
At Thom Bargen
- by admin
It's so warm outside that the door is open, so
the shop smells like
coffee
wood
and spring.
Which is lovely.
I am here with the intention of getting
positively loopy
on caffeine
and reading
The Gone-Away World.
But am too
distracted
enthralled
and otherwise
nosy
to pay much attention to the book.
The people in the shop are as follows:
Two baristas.
The nice man with the shaved head and
kickass
ginger beard
and
the nice girl who
despite my anxiousness over the decision
nicely
helped me pick some beans to take home.
Three guys.
Discussing something I can't make out
they all have nice
red/dark brown leather wallets
splayed out on the table
between napkins and notepads
and smartphones that keep chiming.
I think they are discussing an art show.
Two girls to my right.
Talking about
travelling alone
hashtags
the rules of the road
the CBC
iPads
and boys
(of course)
Outside.
An amazing man
in a tattered pinstripe three-piece suit just walked by
wearing white wrap-around sunglasses
clearly not giving
one single fuck
just walked by
and
(obviously)
made my day.
Plus me.
Clearly
utterly
tremendously
failing
at reading my book club book.
But that's okay.
People are far more interesting anyway.
